I hope you have taken the time to identify your passions … the things that get your heart pumping and get you excited about living.  (If you need some tips on this, read my Discover Your Passions post.)  Assuming you have taken this step, now what?  It’s one thing to know your passions, and another to live them out.

Pick the two or three items from your Passions list that you are moved by the most.  Write each on the top of a blank sheet of paper.  Focusing on only one at a time, list all the ways you can become engaged and incorporate this passion into your life.

For example, one of my passions is encouraging women through sharing “my story” and the blessings I’ve received through life’s challenges.  So my list of ways to get engaged included: blogging, writing articles, joining women-focused clubs/groups, speaking at women’s events, etc.

As you brainstorm ways to get involved don’t filter your thoughts.  Let your imagination flow.  Some ideas will be unrealistic, but many will be completely feasible.  Once you’ve exhausted your own thinking, enlist a friend or two.  They will have a different perspective and will add great value to your ideas.

Next, pick two or three possibilities from your new Ways to Get Engaged list and come up with doable action items, steps you can take to achieve each idea. My steps for getting articles published, for instance, included: taking a “How to get published” course, researching writing markets that are of interest to me, brainstorming potential article ideas and sending out queries.  Your action items will be unique to you and your passions.

The important thing regarding your steps is that they are doable.  Think of them as mini-goals.  Goals are only valuable if they are obtainable.  You very well may have to stretch yourself to achieve them, but they are definitely within your reach.

Finally, and most importantly, take action.  If you are committed to living a vibrant life you must be willing to work to get there.  Making lists are only helpful if you put action behind your words.  Commit yourself to taking one step toward your passion each and every day.  Your step doesn’t have to be Earth-shaking.  It may be that today you research companies who provide the service you are passionate about, tomorrow you may register for a class, the next day you may begin seeking a mentor, and so on.  The vital thing is that you take action.

Living your passion takes a willingness to risk … risk that comes with stepping out of your comfort zone.  But, with each step you take, the risk becomes less threatening and your goals more attainable.

Choose a Better Life by taking action and living your passions.

A few days ago I spoke with a friend, I’ll call her Susie, who is considering starting the same health/diet plan that changed my life.  I am happy for her not because I think she needs to lose weight, but because I know she will benefit from increased health.

The problem Susie is having is one that plagued me for years and kept me from taking control of my life.  She loves her addiction, in this case food, more than she dislikes her current station in life.  She is having a hard time letting go her emotional connection to food and even wonders if it’s possible.

It is possible.

However, as with any addiction be it drugs, alcohol, sex, television, anything, Susie has to decide that living the way she is is not working for her.  This is the same realization I had to come to.  I finally hit the point where I understood that if I kept feeding my addiction I would never obtain the life I wanted and I would never be free of the bondage of poor health.

I had to realize that my life was just not working for me.  I was missing out on too much living and letting opportunities pass me by.

I have worked with, and lived with, people who are in bondage to various addictions and regardless of the vice, everyone is the same.  As long as they are feeding their addiction they are, in essence, accepting life the way it is.  They are willing to trade a healthy, vibrant life for the substance to which they are addicted.

Sound harsh?  Maybe.  But it’s true.  There are numerous programs “out there” that offer help to anyone who is truly seeking.  Help for every addiction.  The addict just has to be willing to ask.

Addictions come in many forms and some are obviously much more harmful than others.  Take for example, the drug addict.  In time, the drugs will take over the addict’s life leaving nothing but destruction in its path.  However, a person addicted to playing golf will, more than likely, be able to continue to live a “normal” life.

That being said, we need to be honest about our addictions, we all have them, and the impact they are having on our lives.  If we are unwilling to give up the addiction we need to admit it.  We owe ourselves and those who love us at least that much.  But, if we are tired of living in bondage to our addictions we need to seek help.

On the other side of things, we also need to be willing to help those who are seeking our assistance.  Letting go of addictions is not easy and we should be supportive by offering grace and accountability when possible -without sacrificing our boundaries (see earlier post about boundaries).

For Susie, I can only offer a listening ear and direction to possible solutions.  I cannot make the decision for her.  She must be committed to letting go of her addiction and to reclaiming her life for herself.  It is possible, but SHE must decide she is worthy of Choosing a Better Life.

How about you?  Do you have an addiction that is affecting your life?  Be honest.  Honesty is the first step in giving yourself the gift of a better life.

My husband recently blogged (see Forward 10 link under Recommended Sites)  about saying “thank you” and blessing others instead of cursing, something I’ve also written about.  With his permission I share a comment left on his site:

As a waitress, I have had to deal with a lot of grouchy “grumbling guys” that take their hunger pains out on me. If only every customer could read your post and learn to bless people for their services, doing what’s right would be a lot easier… and everyone would be a lot happier and healthier. You’re right, it all comes back to you in the end!

Comment by Ashley — April 2, 2007

Ashley says it all, if we would practice blessing instead of cursing, everyone would be a lot happier and healthier.

Thank you Ashley for sharing and reminding us that every service we take advantage of, being waited on in a restaurant or otherwise, has a person behind it that needs to be appreciated.

I just took a break in the middle of this post to do this very thing.

Over the last few days our street was paved.  I thought the crew was done and so I parked back in my driveway.  A moment ago I heard a few of the paving crew return.  I went outside to see if I needed to move my car.  No, they were just cleaning up.

Great opportunity to bless.  I thanked the guys for removing the little bits of asphalt that were left on sidewalks and driveways and went inside.  And the great thing is, I really was thankful.  I do appreciate not having to contend with the little pieces of tar left behind.

However, I could have taken the other approach and complained that the clean-up crew wasn’t here yesterday and that I had to deal with asphalt bits all last evening.  But, what good would that have done?  None.  The debris would not have been removed any sooner and I would have left the exchange grumpy and would have made the clean-up crew grumpy.

You can imagine the ripple effect this would have.  I grumpily walk through my day and snip at everyone I cone in contact with, they then snip at the next person they see and on and on the grumpiness goes.

Instead, I have, at the minimum, contributed to making the world a less grumpy place and at the maximum spurred these gentlemen on to blessing someone they come in contact with later today.  A ripple effect I’m proud to be a part of.

Look, with intention, for someone you can bless today.  No need to make this elaborate, a simple “thank you for [insert service]” will do.  By doing so you will start a joy ripple and avoid a grumpy one.

Without having clearly stated it, my 12-year old daughter, Britini, wants to use her life to make a difference.

Ever since she was a toddler she has looked out for the underdog, making friends and inviting them to play with her. As she has gotten older she has learned to take a stand and tell others, her friends included, that there is no need to call someone else names or put her down just because they disagree on an issue.

As much as she can at this age, Britini is even learning that sometimes doing the right thing may cause her heartache and cost her a friendship or two. But regardless, she is always on the lookout for ways to help others.

Recently her school was doing a fundraiser for the local Leukemia foundation. The students were instructed to bring in money from home (theirs or their parents). There were no knick-knacks, food stuffs or magazines to buy. Just the cash each family was generous enough to donate. My daughter decided that she and her friends would be more effective if they joined forces and rallied their neighbors.

So, on a particular Friday, Britini invited several friends from class over for a sleepover. Shortly after they all arrived and dropped off their bundles of “stuff” (tween girls have a lot of stuff) the girls grabbed Ziploc bags and a copy of the school flyer and headed out. They walked our entire neighborhood, some 200 homes, going door to door asking for spare change for the fundraiser. Within a few hours they had gathered over $160 – in coins!

Although the weight of those coins almost killed her, Britini was thrilled to carry them up 6 flights of stairs to her homeroom on Monday morning. Without even thinking much, my daughter had found a simple way to make a difference.

Wanting a more tangible way to serve, last summer Britini decided she would join a group of kids from church on a summer missions trip. This small group of middle and high school students took a week out of their summer plans to work with and serve an impoverished community in the mountains of West Virginia.

For one gentleman who couldn’t walk and hadn’t been out of his house in years these kids literally gave him renewed hope. The students spent days removing shoulder-high weeds and debris from his front and back yard talking to him through the darkened screen door whenever possible.

The man who had become a recluse and a social outcast managed to get dressed and meet the kids on his front porch a few days into their work. He talked with the kids, shared some of his invention ideas and cried in appreciation for what they had done. It was the first act of kindness this man had received in years.

This summer a larger group of kids from church, our daughter included, are flying to the Bahamas to serve in the same way. They will not be staying in a resort or enjoying the typical tourist attractions. Instead they will be working alongside locals to help finish construction projects, teaching young kids how to do arts and crafts during Vacation Bible School and providing support in any way they are asked. Each of the 22 students who are going are in grades 7-9 and they all want to serve.

These students are an encouragement and a reminder that anyone, regardless of our station in life, can make a difference for another person. We just have to be willing.

Are you willing? You don’t have to do something as dramatic as going to another country. You can serve right where you live. Volunteer at the local rescue mission, teach a class to seniors, take food to an animal shelter or read to students at a nearby elementary school. We ALL can make a difference and we ALL can leave this world making it brighter for just one person.

Find a way to make an impact today. If my 12-year old daughter can do it, so can you.

Recently I have been involved in several conversations about beauty – What is personal beauty?  What is environmental beauty?  Is beauty constant?  Can it be gained/achieved? Do we intentionally surround ourselves with beauty?  Etc.

The old adage, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” definitely seems to be true.  Some of what my friends find beautiful may not even get a second glance from me and vice versa.  In fact, one of my closest friends recently said to me that things I find important (hair, trendy clothing, up-to-date make-up) are not at all important to her and yet, she is a beautiful woman.

But beauty goes far beyond personal appearance and it can be found in anything.  Wikipedia defines beauty as a quality present in an object, or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (such as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (such as personality). Said another way, “beauty” is a quality of a person, object, place, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, affirmation, meaning or goodness.

So if beauty provides us with “pleasure, affirmation, meaning or goodness,” qualities we can never get enough of, do we take the time to seek it out?  Do you intentionally arrange your life so that you may see the beauty around you?

One of the greatest benefits of living in North Carolina is that I am surrounded by beautiful green trees in the Spring and Summer and wonderful fall colors in Autumn.  Not a day goes by that I do not drive down the street and marvel at the beauty growing around me.  But, when I am not in my car enjoying the sites I try to make sure I have something beautiful near me at all times.  For me this is as simple as cut flowers in a vase, photos on my walls, friends’ pictures on my fridge and lavender oil on my pillow.

One of the hobbies I have recently picked up is photography.  Although I could greatly benefit from a class, I so enjoy taking my camera with me on outings, whether to the park, on a trip or even just around my yard.  What I’ve found is that looking through the lens of a camera causes me to slow down and really look at the details of life.

Slated to go on the walls of my office (I need to remodel it first) are beautiful close-ups of tulips and other flowers, berries w/ a light dusting of snow and several architectural snapshots (including an interesting angle of the John Hancock building in Chicago).  To me all of these things are beautiful and I want to be inspired by beauty when I work.

What about you?  What do you find beautiful?  Take the time to find the beauty in your surroundings.  If you can’t find much, bring it to you:  frame pictures for your workspace, pick a daisy from your yard and put it in a vase, play beautiful music, dab yourself with an appealing fragrance or wear a wonderful fabric.

There are many ways to enhance your life with beauty, but you need to take the time to do so.  Don’t let another day go by without it.  Life is so much better when it’s beautiful!

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I went to get a make-up makeover (I’m always willing to be pampered) and at the same time had my hair analyzed. I was not even aware there was a hair analysis machine. It was quite eye-opening.

Then this morning I was reading the May 2007 edition of taste for life, a nutritional publication www.tasteforlife.com, and was intrigued by an article on hair health. The article stated that Americans spend billions of dollars each year on hair care products and treatments. Billions of dollars!

And like me, I’m sure you have wondered about the strands of hair left in your brush, on the counter, on the floor and in the shower each morning. The piles of hair that are no longer on my head leave me questioning whether this amount of hair loss is normal. It can be quite disturbing, not to mention a pain to clean up each day.

But alas, there is hope. The taste for life article listed five tips for a healthy mane: nourish, know thy hair, cleanse, condition and finish. What caught my attention was the first tip, nourish. It seems that if we are not caring for our bodies correctly – well balanced diet, exercise, vitamin and mineral supplements, etc – regardless of the billions of dollars spent, we have no hope of enjoying luscious locks.

When our bodies are fighting a weakened immune system there is not enough strength and energy to prioritize a healthy head of hair. Add to that the environmental toxins we are constantly exposed to and we are doomed to a mediocre mane at best.

So, here is yet another reason we need to take the time to prioritize our health and care for our bodies. I don’t want to necessarily make Garnier hair product commercials, but I do want to have a healthy head of hair long into my senior years.

Hi ho, hi ho, pedaling away on the recumbent bike I go …

So you’ve surrounded yourself with Mentors, Champions and Encouragers; you have reframed your view of failure; and you have decided to make a decision about your career – you want a change.  What’s next?

Discover your passion.

Passions are an interesting thing.  They can move us emotionally, excite us about taking action and ignite a blaze in our souls that is inextinguishable.  But, many of us claim not to know what our passions are.

Phooey! (Do people still use that word today?) I argue that we know what our passions are, but we have spent so much time telling ourselves that we can do nothing about them we have squelched our ability to hear them.  We have, in essence, buried them alive.

We must make it a priority to rediscover our passions and allow them to breathe life into our daily lives.

Take a weekend away, or a day or even a few hours.  Go someplace where the minutiae of daily life will not interfere.  Ask yourself questions like: When do you feel the happiest?   What angers you the most?  What gets you the most excited?  If resources were unlimited, where would you go?  What would you do?  What tasks do you enjoy doing most?  Which ones do you like least?  If you could communicate one truth to the next generation what would it be?  When you die, how do you want to be remembered?

Give yourself permission to dream and feel again.  Listen to your heart without filtering the responses.

If you need a tool to help you get going, one of my current favorite books is Inside Every Woman (sorry men – however, the tools are good for you too)) by Vickie Milazzo, RN, MSN, JD.

In her book, Milazzo talks extensively about unleashing our power as women and the Feminine Forces that lead to new levels of personal and professional growth.  Milazzo provides exercises, via thought provoking questions, which open our hearts and minds to much we have buried deep inside.

In her first chapter, simply titled Fire, Milazzo walks through: connecting with your early interests; acknowledging your current interests; going inside, listening and choosing your action; rejecting whatever you’re not passionate about; and foreseeing the reality of your passion.  With each she provides steps to brainstorming that will lead to insightful answers. (Visit the Inside Every Woman website at www.insideeverywoman.com.)

We are each created in a unique way, with unique passions that should be driving us. And until we free these passions and allow them to move us, true fulfillment will not be ours.  Make the time now to rediscover what your passions are.  Don’t put it off until the timing is better. There will always be distractions in life, but you owe it to yourself – and those around you – to be the best person you can be.   This is a crucial step in Choosing a Better Life.

According to an article in the June/July 2007 issue of Pink magazine (www.pinkmagazine.com) Pamela McCauley-Bell (see her bio here) tells audiences we have to, “Have faith in God and in [ourselves].”  She ought to know.  At 16 she was a teen mom on welfare who was told by family members that she wasn’t going to amount to anything.  But, as reported by Pink, “she proved them wrong, becoming the first black woman in Oklahoma to earn a Ph.D. in engineering.  Today at 43, she owns a million-dollar company.”

McCauley-Bell also says we tend to hold on to failures and forget successes.  I agree.  As a career change instructor I see this in my clients.  CFO’s to on-air personalities to office assistants, most of them share the same things:  fear of change and lack of confidence in their abilities.  It is the later that I want to focus on today.

I often ask my clients what job/career path, resources unlimited, they would like to pursue.  What employment opportunity will give them the most satisfaction?  Most clients are quick to identify a career they’d like to try.  But when I ask why they are not pursuing that path I am met with a host of excuses … everything from, “I’d never be able to do that” to “I just don’t have the right training.”

Not having the correct training is definitely a valid obstacle.  However, it is not an insurmountable one.  There are numerous ways to get training: college courses, specialized schools, night classes, on-the-job training, volunteer opportunities, etc.  Not having the training just means you will have to add that component to your plan of action.

The biggest barrier to pursuing dreams is the “I’d never be able to do that” belief.  When I push my clients a bit further on this statement inevitably their responses come back to lack of confidence.  And the lack of confidence most often stems from a previous failure; a failure that may not even be remotely related to the opportunity at hand.

Why is it that we so often hold on to our failures with a death grip?  Is it because we’ve been told we would fail and now we are afraid to try again?  Is it because we want to protect ourselves from future failures?   Is it that a wounded ego won’t let us let go?  Or is it simply because we don’t know how to let go of failure?

Whatever the reason, when we hold on to past failures with determination, we are selling ourselves short and compromising our quality of life.  We are choosing to stop believing in ourselves which leads to our being comfortable in our misery and unwilling to take risks.

Instead we need to practice reframing.  We must redefine failure not as a sign of weakness but rather as another opportunity to learn and grow.  At the minimum, a non-success teaches us what doesn’t work.  And anytime we gain insight and wisdom we are making progress.

I encourage you to study people like Pamela McCauley-Bell.  Read about men and women who have overcome the odds, who have not let failures stop them from pursuing their dreams.  Add some of these people to your Mentor category (see earlier posts) and let their stories encourage you to look at your failures as stepping stones to your future successes.

Don’t be afraid to have faith in your abilities and in the person God made you to be.  Step out and pursuer your dreams.  You will make mistakes along the way.  Good.  Learn from them, grow your knowledge base and continue moving forward.

Choose to reframe your failures and Choose a Better Life.

A recent post under the World of Work category generated a question about toxic people who are close relatives. The specific question was, “How do you get rid of a toxic person who is also a close relative?

Getting “rid” of a toxic person, close relative or not, is harsh language. As I stated in my earlier post, I am not advocating labeling people as toxic and then cutting off all ties with them. What I am advocating is that we realize all our lives are touched by toxic people in one way or another - the relative who has nothing but judgment to share, the co-worker who is always complaining, the neighbor who is always negative. The goal is to not let these people define us and drain us of our energy.

We need to find Mentors, Champions and Encouragers (see earlier post) and surround ourselves with them. These positive people will be the ones who energize us and propel us on to greater things in our lives.

As for the toxic people, I believe the best way of handling them is to set boundaries. Close relative or otherwise, it is our job to protect ourselves from the damaging negativity toxic people spread. We need to believe in our value, respect ourselves and let others know we expect the same from them.

However, in setting boundaries we must treat the other person with love and respect too. Sometimes this can be done simply with a conversation. “Susie, the other day when we were talking I felt judged by your statement of X. I realize you may not agree with my stand on this issue, but it is my belief nonetheless. If you’d like to discuss it I am open to doing so, but only if that can be done without judgments.”

Obviously, not everyone is going to respond to this type of statement. You may have to take a firmer stand and even cut a conversation short. It may be, as is the case with me, that you only share minimal conversations with “Susie”. And there will be times when your boundaries are not well received. Unfortunately, those relationships may be ones that are naturally severed.

There is a great series of books on this topic by Dr. Henry Cloud and, Dr. John Townsend called Boundaries. Although the principles in these books are Christian-based they apply to everyone.

From the Back Cover
Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances — Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions — Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others — Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God’s will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator — Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren’t boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

I want to stress that while we are setting boundaries it is imperative to have healthy, positive, encouraging relationships in our lives too. We need people who will cheer us on, encourage us to look at all angles of a project or problem and let us know we are making an impact on our world.

Finding these people may prove to be a challenge, but don’t give up. Be proactive, look around you and see who is in your life. Regardless of the depth of your current relationship, if you find someone you think can be a Mentor, Champion or Encourager approach him and ask if he’d be willing to “join your team”. Not only will he be flattered (Who doesn’t want to be acknowledged for what he ahs to offer?), but you may gain an invaluable relationship.

Choose to surround yourself with positive people and in doing so Choose a Better Life.

I have been blessed with the opportunity to spend a few days in Chicago with my husband.  He is here on business and I on pleasure, although I have made some wonderful business contacts too.  Although Chicago is one of my husband’s favorite cities, I had not been here before, but after only a few hours it was clear why my husband loves it so.

Chicago is beautiful.  The architecture is breath-taking, the parks and trails amazing, the food fantastic, the energy engaging and the diversity wonderful.  Oh, and lest I forget the shopping … the shopping is tremendous.

As I’ve become enraptured with Chicago life over the past few days I’ve tried to be a gracious tourist.  It’s easy to get caught up in what I am doing and where I am going, however, I have been working at engaging in conversation those around me.  As I’ve done so I found that Chicagoans are no different from those in my own home town; they love to be recognized and valued.

As Chuck and I got into a cab last night I began talking to our cabby.  As someone who is highly allergic to smoke, I first told him how much I appreciated his no smoking rule.  That began a great exchange of how a clean cab is important to him.  He has let fares go, even on a slow night, if they insist on smoking.  From there we discussed how long he had been a cab driver in Chicago and what type of interesting people he had come across in his 15 years.

Our conversation was simple, but when we got to our destination I noticed the cabbie rolled back the meter a bit as he wished us a great night.  Not only did my husband and I leave the cab feeling good, but as he smiled, I believe the cabby’s night was made a bit better by our taking the time to notice and appreciate him.

The same has been true as I’ve talked to the harried cashier at Starbucks, the overwhelmed dressing room clerk at the department store, the busy traffic cop in the intersection, the concierge at the theatre and the hotel maids I pass in the hallway.
All of them have been somewhat surprised as I take a moment to recognize them.

And on the occasion I struggle with knowing what to say, I always thank them for doing their jobs and let them know I appreciate what they do.  It’s true.  Without these people serving as they do, we would go without many of the things we take for granted: fresh coffee made to my specifications, clothes on the racks at department stores, the ability to cross the street without losing a limb, directions to our seats before a show, fresh linens and towels in our hotel rooms, etc.   We are blessed by the jobs people do.

Take a moment today to recognize those around you.  Let them know you appreciate their work.  Not only will you put a smile on their faces, but you will leave with a smile on yours.  This is a simple, but deliberate step in Choosing a Better Life.