Over the weekend I had a conversation that again, reminded me of the impact our attitude has on our quality of life.  Without going into all the details, I spoke with a woman, we’ll call her Becky, and was trying to arrange a get-together for our daughters.

Prior to my family’s move across country two years ago, our daughters had been bosom friends for six years – that’s a long time in the life of a 12-year old. My daughter and I are headed back to California for a few weeks to visit family and catch up with old friends … a perfect opportunity for the girls to get together.

Becky was having no part of it.  She bitterly spouted off a string of reasons why our visit was just not going to work – her kids were out of school, she still had to work, June is a busy month, etc.  Even when I suggested a second set of dates, there was just no way the get together was going to happen.  Then she came to, what I think is the crux of the issue, her mother had passed away since we moved and Becky was going to have to add caring for her father to her list of things to do.

I am by no means minimizing the pain of losing a parent.  Thankfully I have not been in that situation.  I have, however, walked through this loss with a very dear friend and I know how difficult it can be.  I also know that Becky has at least one sibling, whom I know fairly well, who will be helping care for her dad so the burden is not Becky’s alone.

What struck me during this conversation was that Becky was angry with life and very bitter.  I am not a psychologist, but even I can tell that there are some unresolved issues there.  I don’t know if Becky has not forgiven her mom for dying or if she has not forgiven herself for something she did/did not do before her mom passed away, but Becky’s life is definitely fueled by her emotions.

What I find even sadder, is that Becky’s family is run by her emotions too.  Because Becky is holding on to her hurt, her family, in this case her daughter, is missing out on opportunities.

Although this scenario is specific to Becky, it can be true of any of us.  When we are unwilling to let go of our hurt and forgive others we lessen our quality of life.  Most of the time the “offender” has moved on and may not even be aware of the pain he has caused, and yet we still hold on to it and wear it as a badge of honor.  So often we use our pain to justify our place in life.  “If only Steven hadn’t betrayed me, then I’d have gotten my promotion and my life would be so much better,” we rationalize.

It may be true, that a promotion would increase our income and/or make our life a bit easier, but how we deal with not getting the promotion is entirely our choice.  We can choose to wallow in the decision or we can choose to let it go and move on.

My daughter is learning this lesson with our vacation.  She is not able to see two of her best friends (Becky’s daughter is one, the other will be out of town) and she is understandably very disappointed.  However, as I explained to her last night, she is still getting to visit family, see a few friends, visit our old church, go to the beach, go to Disneyland and do a host of other activities.  Now she has a choice to make.  She can either enjoy what we are going to be able to do, or she can allow her disappointment to take over. If she chooses the later she will grumpily walk through the next few weeks and rob herself of the joy she could receive from all the cool things we have planned. Either way, the choice is entirely up to her.

Are you allowing the negative to rob you of your joy?  Is there a hurt you need to let go of or someone you need to forgive?  If so, take action today.  Don’t use pain as an excuse.  Choose a Better Life.