I often wonder how I can feel able to take on the world at one moment and feel like a heap of broken earthen-ware the next.  I can walk into a room of the who’s who in the business world and commandeer the floor, but two hours later sit alone in my office and not be able to pick up the phone to return a call.

My only conclusion … I am broken.  In my humanness and in my selfishness I do not always function at my optimum.  That is not to say that I am not effective or efficient, I can be obsessively so, or that I am not “put together”, people are often mislead because I appear to be extremely self-sufficient.

But it does mean that I desperately need to retreat, be introspective and acknowledge my brokenness.  I need to be honest with myself, acknowledge my weaknesses and recognize that I do not have it all together and I most definitely do not have all the answers.  It is only by doing so that I can give all my pieces to God knowing that He is the ultimate Craftsman.

In a way that only he can, God takes my broken pieces and molds them into something beautiful and useful.  And in His hands I can be anything.  I can be the friend who brings encouragement or the mother who says the right words when her daughter needs them most.  I can be the acquaintance who shelters a family from harm or the stranger whose willingness to be vulnerable in a blog changes someone’s life.  In His hands I can even be the hero a desperate student so eagerly awaits.  And yes, I can be the businesswoman who impacts a community.

So, it is sitting in my brokenness that I am most thankful.  For it is only then that I realize apart from God I can do nothing, but in him I can do all things.

We are all broken.  But, it isn’t until we acknowledge our brokenness that we can allow the One who created the universe – the farthest star my eye can see as well as the puppy that sits at my feet – to use us in ways far greater than all we ask or imagine.

Embrace your brokenness and Choose a Better Life.

Interesting statistics from the September 2007 edition of Health magazine:

$6,100 – Average amount the United States spends on health (per person) each year.

$2,700 – Average amount spent by the other leading industrialized countries.

31 – Percentage of Americans who are obese.

15 – Percentage who are obese (on average) in the other industrialized countries.

So, it seems safe to say that being obese costs more than your health, it also costs you dollars.  Not a surprise, but interesting nonetheless.

In the same issue of Health magazine an articles titled “Get yourself a skinny kitchen” discusses ways in which your decorating style may be setting traps for your health.  The article states, for example, that bright lighting puts you in the mood to race through meals.  On the flip side, dim lighting can mask the feelings of fullness and loosen inhibitions.  The solution: use 60- to 75-watt bulbs and check often for feelings of fullness while eating.

Another trap people unknowingly set for themselves … storing munchies and snacks in clear containers.  The power of suggestion is strong.  Just eying the snacks will often trigger feelings of hunger.  The solution: store food in opaque containers or foil.

The article goes on to discuss “Tricks at the table”, “Dish do’s and don’ts”, “A healthier fridge” and “Pantry picks”.  All suggestions of value.

Over the past year or so I’ve taught myself to implement many of these ideas just by being aware of my food triggers.  For instance, when my daughter bakes cookies she knows she must package and freeze them as soon as they are cooled.  By doing so the cookies are out of sight and not a temptation for me, but easily accessible by her.  In fact, this method works perfectly because she can put a frozen cookie in her lunch in the morning and by the time she is ready to eat it it is thawed, but not melted.

Something else we’ve learned (it’s sad that my daughter had to learn this, but having a food addict as a mom brings tough lessons) is that when she bakes something that doesn’t freeze well, muffins for example, she packages them in individual servings and hides them in the back of the pantry without telling me where they are.  Again, out of sight, out of mind for me, but ready to go for her.

Another “trick” I’ve learned is to NEVER buy food-scented candles, the ones that are pumpkin pie or sugar cookie fragrances, for example.  The only thing those do is stir my cravings, bring images of desserts to my mind and make me falsely hungry – all things I try to avoid.  A funny anecdote- the home scents tactic was one our realtor taught us when we were selling our home several years ago.  Whenever we had an open house planned we baked cookies or a pie just before the open house was to begin.  The scent of dessert was supposed to make people feel relaxed and “at home”.  If there wasn’t time to bake, I’d light one of those food-scented candles for the same reason.  Now I only light aromatherapy candles.

Becoming conscientious of our surroundings is just one more way we can Choose a Better Life by choosing good health.  Take a few minutes and stroll through your kitchen. Are there temptations causing you to stumble? Do you have food traps that are just waiting to sabotage your good health?  If so, take a few minutes to rearrange things.  It will be a small investment of time with a large, long-term payoff.

Have you noticed how rushed people are today?  No matter where I go it seems people are always running from one task to another, often late and often on their cell phones.  I have nothing against cell phones.  I have a Blue Tooth that is attached to my ear every time I go out.  However, I try to make a point of putting my Blue Tooth away and turning off my cell phone whenever I am in a face-to-face conversation.  It’s the only polite thing to do.

So, in a world that is as busy as ours and stresses, at least in American culture, looking out for “number one”, it’s not often that people take time out of their busy lives to think about someone else.  That’s why I’m so impressed and thankful when someone does something for me that brightens my day.

Today is one of those days.  One of the ladies in my husband’s office thought of me and my youngest daughter.  She has planned to bake some gluten-free cookies for her boyfriend (he has Celiac disease) this weekend.  Knowing that my daughter and I are allergic to gluten also, she offered to bring some of her homemade cookies to us on Monday.  Wow, how wonderful to be thought of!

Granted, she would not be going out of her way to bring us some of the cookies, but her forethought was nonetheless appreciated.  How many times have you done something and afterwards thought, “I wish I had told [whomever] about this.  She would have loved this too.”  If you’re like me, it’s all too often that you have similar thoughts.

That’s why my husband and I are trying to retrain ourselves and our family. In fact, one of our family’s traditions is to share, over dinner, how we helped someone else during the day.  That help may be small – our daughter may lend a pencil to another student who doesn’t have one, or a little bigger – I may take a friend’s relative to the airport when my friend has to work, or even bigger – my husband may leave an envelope with money on a financially struggling co-worker’s desk. Regardless of what the act of kindness is, we always try to do something for someone else each and every day.

And what great blessings we receive knowing that we’ve brought a smile to someone else’s face and lightened their burden even for a moment.

Choose a Better Life by appreciating the things people do for you and by finding ways to give the gift of kindness, no matter how simple, to others.

In a Wall Street Journal article, Special Résumé Looks Can Do Quite a Job at Getting You Noticed, published today, Sarah Needleman points out that recruiters and employers get inundated with hundreds of resumes for each position posted.  So, how do you make your resume stand out from the rest?  By getting creative.

In the story Needleman quotes a VP from a technology company who states that less than 5% of the resumes he receives use creative designs.  The rest follow the same “cookie-cutter” approach to applying for open positions.

For the full story visit http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB118764668396403385.html and for a longer version of the same story visit http://www.careerjournal.com/jobhunting/resumes/20070821-needleman.html?cjpos=home_whatsnew_major

As a career change instructor and a source for the above story, I was quick to point out that creative resumes need to be used appropriately, however, and can have drawbacks.

First, many employers rely on resume software to scan incoming resumes.  Creative resumes often don’t fit the software programs’ parameters and as a result can get kicked out of the system.  To help ensure your resume actually gets reviewed by a human being, always send a hard copy of the resume following an email version – stating you will do so in your cover letter.

Secondly, companies often use entry level HR people to review the large amount of resumes to narrow the field.  If your creative resume is hard to read or follow your skills may get over looked.  Therefore, it is important to keep your creative resume simple and easy to read.

Thirdly, creative resumes tend to be wordy and lengthy.  Busy HR departments and hiring managers do not have, nor do they want, to take the time to read lengthy resumes.  To help offset this, make sure your creative resume “gets to the point” and displays your skills in an easy-to-find manner.

And finally, know your market.  If you are applying for a conservative position at a conservative company, use creativity sparingly.  Instead of sending a brightly colored resume with lots of charts and graphics to a law firm, for example, follow a more traditional approach and simply add a few pull quotes or logos (see above article).

I, for instance, have several versions of my resume … a press release I use for PR writing opportunities and a few creative versions of the more traditional functional-format I use for highlighting targeted management skills.

What is important is making sure your resume gets noticed, without getting thrown in the trash.  For specific examples, go to the library and check out resume builder books.  Many will provide examples of well and poorly done resumes as well as specific keywords for your industry.

Regardless of your resume approach, make sure you proofread proofread proofread.  Nothing kills a job opportunity as quickly as a typo.

I love quotes… simple words by others that inspire me to take time and think and often spur me on to greater things.

Here are 10 of my favorite quotes from Life’s Little Instruction Book by H Jackson Brown, Jr.  The book has 511 suggestions on how to live a happy and rewarding life.

#346    “Be bold and courageous.  When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.”

#332    “Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.”

#284    “Never underestimate your power to change yourself.”

#271    “When facing a difficult task, act as though it is impossible to fail.  If you’re going after Moby Dick, take along the tartar sauce.”

#178    “Learn to recognize the inconsequential, then ignore it.”

#171    “Never give up on what you really want to do.  The person with the big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.”

#165    “Don’t waste time responding to your critics.”

#156    “Strive for excellence, not perfection.”

#123    “Learn to listen.  Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.”

#99      “Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures.”

Take a few moments to really ponder one or two of these.  How do they apply to your life today?  Are you doing everything in your power to have the best life possible – your best life, not someone else’s?  If not, why not?  What can you change to Choose a Better Life?

This past week we were blessed with having our middle daughter stay with us. We’ve missed our older two daughters terribly since we moved to North Carolina and it was wonderful to connect with one of them again.

Sarah is 16. She is beautiful, amazingly gifted in many areas and incredibly intelligent. She is ranked 4^th in her class of over 800 students with a 4.5 GPA, just completed a college internship/engineering class over the summer and has been approached by a modeling agency. She really is an “it” girl.

But, what I love most about Sarah is her love for fun … good, clean, wholesome fun. She loves her friends, loves life and is always making the best of every situation – even in the little things. For example, as a family we played Monopoly two nights in a row. On both nights Sarah was bankrupted first. However, instead of pouting or even making negative comments she’d laugh and say things like, “See, this is why I wanted to play Monopoly. I knew I’d clean you out.” (Yes, this is only a game, but for those of us who are very competitive - like we are - any opportunity to “take out the competition” can take on a life of its own.)

Sarah also looks for ways to create her own fun. While she was here we took some of the usual obligatory pictures. But, what we did on her last day is what made the lasting impressions. She and I (we also eventually took my youngest daughter out of school to participate) took our loaded cameras downtown. Our goal was to shoot some “fun” pictures at a retro coffee shop we had been to earlier in the week, but found it closed when we got there.

We decided to make the best of it and found some other fun picture spots: a few local restaurants with outdoor seating, the downtown park with its 12-foot acorn statue, the Capital lawn with its war statues and anything else along the way including interesting trash cans. But, as Sarah does with all her pictures, she didn’t just stand and smile. Instead, we struck poses that were out of the ordinary … jumping in the air, hiding behind menus, imitating statues, etc. and we had a blast. Along the way we also made many people shake their heads, smile and laugh.

At a time in life when most 16-year old girls are overly concerned with whether or not every hair is in the right place and whether or not they are making the right impression, Sarah throws “tradition” to the wind and enjoys life. She lives with an abandon that is most impressive.

Over the past few years I have learned to enjoy life too. I am, for the most part, a happy joyful person. I look for the good and I expect to see it. I live anticipating the blessings and miracles that come my way. But, after spending time with Sarah I realized that there is still a long way to go. She looks at ordinary circumstances and doesn’t just enjoy them, she turns them into extraordinary events; something I had yet to do.

My 16-year old daughter doesn’t know it, but she taught me a very valuable lesson this past week. Enjoying life is about more than just looking for the good - it is about creating the good in every situation.

Will you join me in actively Choosing a Better Life by creating good situations?

Thankfulness is a recurring theme in my posts. It’s not a secret that I believe (and have seen evidence in my own life) the more thankful we are the better our quality of life.

It’s easy to get caught in the ever-perpetuating cycle of self-pity and the muck and mire of “Woe is me.” Many people do it. However, the “everyone does it” justification doesn’t make it healthy or attractive to others. In fact, even entertaining the thought to enjoy self-pity (yes, people do enjoy it) can catapult you into the “toxic people” group. Granted, everyone can have a bad day. It’s the wallowing in negativity that becomes a problem.

I know, I was challenged with this last week. Some major life issues came up that challenged my [I’m working towards being] ever-thankful approach to life. As such, I was derailed for about 2 ½ days. What I discovered is that as long as I ruminated on my pain I was walking numbly through life. It was as if someone found the remote control to my being and pressed the mute button. I was only half-living, not enjoying the bounty of blessings I have been given.

So, I decided to trust God to restore all that had been taken from me (Joel 2:25-27) as he promised, and started listing the reasons I am thankful for this pain. And I was amazed at just how many reasons I had. As I reframed my view of the situation from seeing it as pain that robbed me of years of joy to one that has allowed me to grow into the person I am becoming (“growing” and “becoming” is a process) the mute button was released and I was again able to feel and live life.

I read a quote in O Magazine today that addressed this very topic. “Individuals who approach life with an attitude that all of life is a gift will be more likely to find the good in bad life circumstances. They are more likely to … move forward following a catastrophe. In fact, they may be more likely to label such an event a gift.” Robert A Emmosn, PhD in Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier.

I want to enjoy this gift of life to the fullest so I am thankful for all that comes my way. To help me stay focused on the positive I often give myself time to stop and make a list of all my blessings. When I do I find that there are many more good things in my life on which to focus than there are bad. And for that I am ever thankful.

Choose to be thankful and Choose a Better Life.

Whether you are a man or woman, negotiating salary is similar to asking for a raise/promotion (see yesterday’s post).  We just don’t’ do it often enough.

Job negotiations should not stop when a position is offered.  But, all to often, applicants believe an offer is a “take it or leave it” deal.  It is not.  Employers want to get the best person suited for the position while outlaying as little money as possible.  So, they will often make an offer at the bottom of the pay scale hoping the candidate accepts.  But, as a potential employee you have the right to negotiate your offer package.

Things to keep in mind:

• It is much harder to negotiate salary once you’ve accepted a position so you need to have this discussion upfront.

• Employers usually have a pay range in which they can hire an employee. Present your experience as validation for your request to start higher on the pay scale.

• Some employers want to see your abilities in action before increasing your pay. If this is the case, negotiate for an increase at the end of your probationary period.

• If there is no wiggle room in the pay scale increase your compensation in other ways – company equity, increased vacation, increased medical coverage, medical coverage for your family, bonuses based on performance, etc.

• Remember that the employer is offering you the position because he knows you are the best candidate.  As such, don’t underestimate your value.  Be confident in your skill set and in your abilities.  The employer is or he would not be making the offer.

Accepting a job offer as presented is a mistake that can be avoided if you are prepared and understand the employer’s situation.  They need you as much as you need them.

Take the time negotiate your employment package before you start a new job.  You will find that when you are comfortable with your compensation your job satisfaction will increase and you will become a more productive employee. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.

A letter from the Founding Editor in Pink magazine (www.pinkmagazine.com) by the above name recently caught my attention.  I’ve written about our need to reframe our failures and see them as tools for growth.  So, I was curious as to what Cynthia Good was referring to in the August.Spetember 2007 issue.

In short, Cynthia was saying that even though many companies are finally acknowledging, and slowly doing away with, the glass ceiling women still lag behind men in the types of positions we hold and the pay we receive for those positions.  Even in academia, the very institutions that are training the next generation, women fall behind men in terms of position and pay.

Cynthia’s point was that, as women, we can’t rely on our employer to put us on equal footing.  It is up to us to advocate for ourselves.  We must value our skills and talents enough to approach our superiors and ask for the pay, and/or position, we deserve.

Obviously this needs to be done with tact.  Barging into your boss’s office and demanding a raise will not go over well.  But, if, say during your next performance review, you come with a clip-book or a list of your accomplishments and how they have impacted the company, especially its bottom line, you will have a strong foundation for your request.

Most importantly, man or woman, we must value our abilities and what we bring to the table.  There is no one else with our exact skill set and our experiences.  We are unique in our ability to contribute to the success of a company and it is our job to make our contributions known.  So, when the timing is right, confidently approach your supervisor and prove to him your value is worth a pay increase/promotion.