I periodically work with a fantastic organization called Cowboys & Kids (www.reachkids.com) out of Arizona.  Cowboys & Kids is a National, 501c3, non-profit organization whose mission is to “reach youth with a message of character-branding truths for today and tomorrow”.

Using a Western theme and highlighting the American Cowboy’s traits (freedom, honesty, hard work, courage, determination, rugged individualism, simplicity, and a combination of athletic ability, business sense, and true grit) Cowboys & Kids teaches kids to “Cowboy Up” passing along a can-do attitude which encourages them to stand up under pressure.

Since their inception in 1991, Cowboys & Kids has reached over 2.5 million students in 31 states with the truths of strong character.

As I was watching one of their videos today, Penny Conway, Cowboys & Kids founder and CEO, was talking to students about choices.  She was explaining that even if a friend asked them to do something, say take drugs, it was ultimately the students’ decision whether or not to do it.  If the students decided to do as directed and participate in the action they could not blame their friend.  The choice was their responsibility.

“Choices belong to you,” Penny told them.

As I watched and listened to Penny, I thought, “She’s right, our choices belong to us.”  This is a truth that not only applies to students, but also to adults.  We face multiple choices each day and those choices belong to no one but ourselves.

We choose whether we act or react to a situation.  We choose whether we bless or curse those around us.  We choose our behaviors and our attitudes.  And ultimately, we choose the quality of our lives.

Don’t be fooled into thinking your choices and decisions are out of your control.  That is a lie.  Even in difficult situations we always have a choice.  We may not like our options, but we always have a choice.

Take ownership of your choices and Choose a Better Life.

I just read an article in a magazine published by my insurance company titled “What’s Driving You?  Feeling Annoyed?  Aggravated?  Angry?  Plenty of us get irked by the behavior of other drivers, but whose problem is it anyway?”

The article states that although the most extreme form of road rage, when we use our vehicles as weapons, only occurs 1200 times/year, there are over 400 billions other incidents of aggressive exchanges on the road each year.  400 billion!  That number is astonishing.  These aggressive exchanges include things like driving close to someone’s bumper in an effort to get him to change lanes or slowing down and deliberately not changing lanes when someone is riding your bumper.

The article quoted Dr. Leon James, professor of social psychology at the University of Hawaii, as saying that, “’Our culture condones the expression of hostility whenever we feel we’ve been wronged.  We want to retaliate and punish.  The violation of our sense of personal freedom arouses negative emotions that can escalate from frustration to hostility to hatred.’”  As a direct result we take our frustration out on other drivers.

I have a better idea. When you feel someone has done something to “wrong” you on the road, instead of fighting back or yelling or honking your horn, say a simple blessing over him.  I started doing this several months ago and I’ve noticed that the time I spend in the car is much more enjoyable.  The traffic isn’t any better and I still come across people who cut me off or drive 20 MPH in a 45 MPH zone, but it no longer stresses me out or angers me.

Instead of my knee-jerk reaction to call the offender names or slam on my horn or complain about the drivers in my city, I’ve trained myself to simply say a blessing over the other driver.  Usually my blessing is short, “I bless you in the blue Mazda today.  I bless your family, you job and your finances.”  That’s it.  I’m done and ready to move on.

One of the things that is so great about blessing is that instead of my getting agitated  - my jaw locked, my muscles tense, my attitude bad – I smile and simply go about my business having avoided all the negativity that would have affected the rest of my day.

In addition to the personal benefits, blessing others is fun. It’s the ultimate gift in paying-it-forward.  By blessing the other driver I have opened the door for good things to happen to him, things that he isn’t expecting and things that will hopefully surprise him.  And hopefully, these things will positively impact other people he comes in contact with throughout the rest of his day.

Learning to bless someone who has angered you is a process.  I didn’t start by blessing the other driver’s day, family and finances right away.  I started with fun and funny things that enabled me to defuse my anger first.  I’d bless the other driver’s cat, dog and/or hamster.  Then I’d bless things like his home and yard.  It didn’t matter whether or not the driver actually had pets or a home, the point was to get me to a place where I could actually bless him and mean it.

This is a tactic I still use.  So much in fact, that the joke among some of my friends and family has become, “Watch out, if someone is blessing your dog you know you’ve done something to really tick him off!”

Regardless of where the blessing starts by simply opening your mouth and offering a blessing instead of a curse you are impacting the other person, your own attitude and the world around you in a positive way.  Start Choosing a Better Life by preempting your anger and offering a blessing to those who would otherwise frustrate you.

In the October 2007 issue of Pink magazine (www.pinkmagazine.com) an article titled “a poet’s life” highlights three women who are living their passions.  All three have different stories, but all three are doing what they love and enjoying a better quality of life as a direct result.

Kim Addonizo worked several odd jobs to get to where she is today, a full-time writer and mentor.  She says, “Do what you love and the money will follow.  It might not be a lot of money, and it might take a while, but it can happen.”

In discussing the very issue of money, Addonizo says, “Focusing on art makes the quality of my life better than, say, buying a new sofa…. We don’t need as much as we think we need.”

Nikki Giovanni, another woman highlighted in the article, teaches at Virginia Tech University in addition to focusing on her writing.  Giovanni says she took a pay cut when she accepted the job at Virginia Tech, but “was more than compensated by the wonderful students and the colleagues.”  She goes on to say, “I’m happy with what I do and when I’m not I’ll send in my resignation.”

Cecilia Woloch, the final poet on which the spotlight lands, says that in addition to writing, travel and a sense of adventure are in her blood.  As a result she makes choices that allow her to do both.  Referring to conversations with friends Woloch says they ask, “’How can you be going off to Paris again?’  But you know what?  I live in a rent-controlled apartment, I drive a 20-year old car, my shoes cost 30 bucks.  These are the choices I make.”

One of the things all three women have in common is realizing that life is a series of choices.  We are blessed with opportunities to choose what we do in life not only with our careers, but also with our time, our finances, our minds, and most importantly our attitudes.

Start Choosing a Better Life by becoming aware of the choices you make each and every day.  Then, take the time to assess your choices and discern whether or not you are choosing to live with passion. If you are, celebrate and encourage others as they seek to do the same.  If not, what can you change in order to make living and working your passion a reality?

Enlist the help of others; Mentors, Champions and Encouragers (see my post “Mentors, Champions and Encouragers vs. Toxic People” from 05.03.07) are a great place to start.  If those are unavailable to you or you would like more focused encouragement seek out a life coach or counselor.

Regardless of the path you take, give yourself, and those around you, the gift of living your passion.  In doing so, you will be Choosing a Better Life.

In my posts I try to share a thought/experience/story that encourages you to, what else, Choose a Better Life.  I hope that most of the time I am successful in reaching that goal.

However, today I have some questions for you:

Are you doing (whether through work or other avenues) what you really want to be doing?  Are you passionate about how you spend your time and the result that comes from that spend?

If not, why not?  What is holding you back?  Is it fear … fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown?  Are you concerned with how others will view you if you make a change?  Are you letting current circumstances limit what you can do?

A few days ago someone said something to me that really resonated.  He said, “God will always give you what you NEED (He loves you too much not too), but you have to go after what you WANT.”

So, why are you compromising your passion and settling for mediocrity?  Why are you unwilling to take the risk to go after what you want?

I am planning to go on a personal retreat – 5 days with just myself, my Bible, my journal and my laptop – and have been asking myself similar questions in preparation.  And as I have been answering honestly some of my responses surprised me.

I realized I had allowed myself to be swayed from my heart’s true desires.  Even though the movement was only slight, it was enough to cause dissatisfaction and frustration putting me in a place that was less than desirable.

I admit that I am not completely ready to formulate a new action plan yet, I have a little more digging to do, but I have a wonderful start and I’ve gained some great insight.

Today, take a few minutes and block out some time on your calendar.  You may not need to take 5 days like me, maybe a few hours will suffice, but schedule time to be with yourself.  During that time ask yourself questions like the above and take an honest look at whether or not you are living with passion.  If not, ask yourself why and begin to look for ways to incorporate your passion into your life.  (If you need help discovering your passion see my post from May 17, 2007 titled Discover Your Passion.  )

Part of Choosing a Better Life is being deliberate in how we spend our time.  Let’s spend it on something that energizes us and gets us excited about the day.

Not long ago I wrote an entry titled “Self Talk: Reprogramming the Mental Tapes” in which I shared that the words we speak, whether curses or blessings, impact our lives accordingly.  This universal truth is one I’ve seen played out in my own life and the lives of others’ over and over again.  Our words are packed with power and we can choose to use them to build up or tear down, bring success or failure, hope or pain.

Jennifer Hudson, singer, actor and Oscar winner, understands this truth and uses it to her advantage.  In an article in October 2007 edition of O, The Oprah Magazine titled “Jennifer Hudson’s Aha! Moment” she shares the story of her song “Thank You.”  Six month prior to filming her Academy Award-winning role in Dreamgirls, Jennifer wrote the song based on the success she knew would someday come her way.  She realized that success not long afterwards.

Hudson says that, “The force of positive thinking is nothing new to me … Of course, this is about more than just words; it’s the realization that we write our own destinies. … I know there is a direct connection between what I say and what happens to me.”

Reinforcing this point, according to Psychology Today (http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19970501-000021.html), Harvard University researcher Bacca Levy, Ph.D studied the affects negative words have on aging and memory. Subjects, all volunteers over the age of 60, were shown a series of either negative or positive words related to aging on a computer monitor.  “ …subjects shown words that reinforced negative views of the erderly later performed more poorly on memory tests than folks who saw the positive words,”

Jennifer Hudson gets it.  She understands that the words we speak are powerful.

Dr. Levy tested and proved it. Negative words have negative impacts and positive words have positive impacts.

It is now up to us.  What we say is completely our choice.  We can choose to bless or curse.

Start being positive and blessing today.  Make a list of three positive things you want to be true of your day today.  For example, Today will be a great day, I will be effective in my decision-making and I will make wise choices.  Repeat the list several times, believe it to be true and work as if it is happening.  You may be amazed at the results.

Even when the inevitable difficult situation arises, by being in a positive frame of mind you will be more equipped to handle it well and move on, robbing it of its power to ruin your day.

By deliberately choosing positive words and living as if they are happening you will be taking charge, increasing your joy and Choosing a Better Life.

Whether we admit it is true of ourselves or not, we all agree that emotional baggage can weigh us down and hinder our movement.  But, what about physical baggage …the stuff with which we populate our lives?  You know what I’m referring to.  The furniture, the books, the decorations, the bric-a-brac.  The stuff that seems to be so important to us.

We cherish our stuff.  We show it off to friends and guests, we build shelves to display it and buy special boxes to store it.  Some people even build homes around their stuff.

I’m not saying any of this stuff is bad.  In fact, a lot of it good.  It is nice to have furniture on which to share meals or sit and watch TV.  Looking at old photo albums and reminiscing with friends is priceless.  But much of our stuff is unnecessary, takes precious time to maintain and causes stress.

Take me for example, I love books.  I have a ton of them.  So many in fact, that my garage has a dozen or so boxes full of them.  These are the books for which I no longer have space in my house.  I could buy more bookshelves, find a space in my home for them and unpack.  But by doing so, my living space would be crowded and I’d feel claustrophobic and become unproductive.

Then there are times like this morning. I was looking for something specific in the garage, I found myself moving box after box of books from one side of the garage to the other just so I could gain access to the object for which I was hunting.  (Which, by the way, I did not find.)  As I turned to reenter my house I realized I had built a fortress around myself with boxes of books. I had to move the boxes back to their original side of the garage just so I could access the door!

So, the question I have to ask myself is this “Is it worth my time to keep all these books?”  There are moments I’d like to think so.  As a writer I’m always reading, learning and referencing other peoples’ work.  True.  But, I’ve already pulled out the most valuable of my books and found places for them in my home.  The books in the garage are ones I rarely riffle through.  Besides, with the internet, information is just a few keystrokes away.

A few years ago, my husband and I pared down significantly.  We decided that we no longer wanted to be held captive to our stuff.  We wanted to be able to pack up and move across the country or to the other side of the world if we wanted to without having to worry about what to do with all our stuff.  We did move across the country, but in two short years we have again accumulated so much stuff that our 1800 square foot house it not big enough to house it all.  Pathetic!

I have a girlfriend who is, she and her family, preparing to go overseas as missionaries.  During their preparations they sold their home, gave many of their “valuables” to relatives who would care for them and sold the majority of their stuff.  Each of their kids was allowed to pack one box – one box – with items they wanted to keep.  The rest was gone.  At first this sounded a little harsh.  But, because this family has cut ties with the stuff that weighed them down they have been able to spend the past 7 weeks touring the United States.  They have seen more of our beautiful country in the past few months than most people will see in a lifetime.  And this is only the beginning.  In several months they will leave the US and travel to several places around the world.  What a wonderful journey.

So, back to my books.  I think I am, again, going to par down and sort my boxes.  The books that are truly indispensable to me I’ll have to find room for on my existing bookshelves.  The others I’ll either pass on to people who are interested or donate to worthy causes.  Either way, I will alleviate the stress that surrounds my books. Wow, just thinking about it is making me feel freer already.

Join me in letting go of some of the stuff that so easily weighs us down, cause stress and robs us of our time and freedom.  By doing so, together, we will Choose a Better Life.

Through email and a series of God-events I have been introduced to a remarkable young woman.  Her name is Estar Hester (No, we are not related.)  She is a freshman in high school and is more of a blessing to those who know her than words can express.

Estar battles multiple life-threatening illnesses that are far too numerous and complicated for me to explain here.  I will say, though, that she has a lengthy surgery scheduled for Sept 26, 2007 in which metal will be removed from her spine (from a previous surgery and bone graft), replaced and her spine fused to keep it from curving to the point where she can no longer breathe.  After several days in the hospital Estar will have 3 months of recovery at home and one year of rehab after that.

Because of her daily challenges, Estar has insight and understanding that most adults never obtain.  She has shared some of her insight in an eBook that was published just this week.  Here is an excerpt from the book:

One thing that’s true for every person is that sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes the worst possible thing happens, and we are all caught off guard and don’t know just what to do. We struggle, we worry and we cry. Yet even when things go horribly wrong, very few things stay wrong. No matter how wrong a thing, no matter how bad the hurt, no matter how scary the news, things do get better. If you cut your finger, almost the very next second it has already started to heal. Our biggest hurts and losses fade with time. Broken toys get fixed or you get new ones that you love just as much. Things you tried to do and messed all up help you learn to do new and bolder things. When things are wrong and we are hurting, it is not the end of the world. Our hearts might hurt like the world is over but really those times are beginnings not endings. It is doors closing and new doors opening, often to nicer, happier places. When things are wrong, that’s when we get to discover who we are, and who is with us. When bad times come, you find out you are really a brave person who can fight through terrible things and come out on top. You discover your strong supporters and true friends. You find God. And you see that you have a powerful hero living inside yourself. Don’t hope for things to go wrong, but when they do, don’t waste your pain. Use it to carry you upward and onward to better, brighter things.

There is nothing else to say, but Amen!

Even in unthinkable circumstances Estar is Choosing a Better Life.  She is a role model for us all.

To order Estar’s book visit: www.lessonsfromawishchild.com

To find out more about Estar visit: www.caringbridge.org/tx/estar

A few times over this wonderful Labor Day weekend I ran into folks who have stopped me in my tracks.  Thankfully it was only a few, but those few were enough for me.  What these people had in common, and frankly what caught me off guard, was their anger, bitterness and negativity.

One man, thinking he was being “cute,” got in my face and challenged me on my food addiction.  He needed, as he put it, a reality check as to whether or not I had a problem asking me, along with other things, about my highest weight. All this was spurred on over the fact that I politely declined an offer of a cookie at a meeting.

The next day a woman criticized me about a column I had written (a column that had appeared on this site first) in our local paper claiming I was being self-serving and smug.  She questioned my intent for the article and insinuated I had done damage to others by writing it.

On both occasions I was taken aback, stunned actually.  I don’t expect the world to always be gentle and nurturing, but I don’t expect to be slammed into a wall either.  And that is how I felt in both instances.  With both the man and the woman I was glad I did not follow through with my initial gut response.  Instead, I was given grace which allowed me to step away, reflect and pray.

As I thought and prayed about both events I realized that, as is often the case with hurting people, I was just the object on which frustrations were vented.  I didn’t do anything “wrong.”   I just happened to be the catalyst that opened the door of anger and bitterness.

Why am I writing about this?  Because since these events, I have taken time to stop and think … to evaluate my own ways of communicating.  And I wonder on how many people I have unleashed unwarranted fury … just because they may have pushed a button without even knowing it.

Hopefully the number of people I have wounded with my words has declined over the past several years as I’ve learned that I must regularly take my own wounds and anger to God to be healed.  It’s when I don’t allow Him to restore my soul that it fills up with negativity and spills over affecting those around me. And it is during these times that I am most likely to spew something that hurts someone else.

Join me in asking God to heal our wounds so that we may stop hurting others out of our own frustration and woundedness.  In doing so, I guarantee you will Choose a Better Life.