I was hoping to have more information to share with you today, but I will have to post the details at a later time.

However, I will be taping an interview for the America at Work segment.  The show broadcasts on VoiceAmerica Business Network on Thursday Noon (EST) and 9:00 am (PST).  My segment (Actually, my husband is doing the first half of the show, I’m doing the second) will be broadcast this Thursday, May 8th.
For more information on America at Work visit the site http://debrastamp.com/americaatwork.html

I look forward to hearing your feedback.

I was hoping to write something inspiring and wonderfully encouraging today, but alas, here it is the end of the day and I’m still looking at a blank screen.  Nothing is coming to mind and the more I try to “trigger” something the stronger my writer’s block seems to be.

Isn’t this sometimes true of life?  The harder we strain for something the farther away it seems to get.  The irony here is that the more we want something the more we just need to relax and let it happen.  Of course we must do our due diligence and prepare, but after we have done all we can do, we must just sit back and relax.  We need to stop straining and trying to force a situation and just let it come to fruition.

Interestingly I’m having this very discussion with my daughter right now.  She will be auditioning for both an advanced drama troupe and an advanced girls’ choir next week.  She desperately wants to “make it” into both groups, but with no formal training in either area, she may find she is better suited for the “general” ensembles.  I hope that is not the case.  I hope that she knocks ‘em dead next week and is brilliant in her auditions.  But, if she is not, she needs to welcome the results, learn as much as she can from the groups in which she is placed and try again next year.

This is a lesson that is most difficult to learn, not only for my teen daughter, but also for us as adults.  We want what we want and we don’t want to settle for less.  I am all for setting lofty goals and striving to reach them – I believe there is great value in shooting for the stars and I do it most of the time – but in doing so, we must not overlook the value that comes from interim steps.  When we don’t reach our goals we must embrace where we are and learn as much from our situation as possible.  That way, the next time we shoot for the stars we will be better equipped to reach them.

Choose a Better Life by reaching for the stars, embracing the learning that happens along the way, and relaxing and letting situations unfold by themselves.

This past weekend I was honored to share part of my story with a group of 70 women at a retreat.  I was slotted to speak Sunday morning after Friday night, Saturday morning and Saturday night festivities.

As the weekend went on, I had the opportunity to talk with many women whom I’d never met before.  I had a great time getting to know new people and sharing this weekend with them.

On Saturday afternoon I was able to spend several hours with a new girlfriend.  As we talked we both confessed that we had come to this retreat with a great deal of expectations.  And right away it was evident those expectations would not be met.

My new friend admitted that by the end of the first evening she was angry and grumpy.  “What do you mean there is no … [fill in the blank]?”  “How can a retreat be put together without … [again, fill in the blank]?”

We both had similar expectations and we both had been a bit disappointed.  However, thankfully, we both realized that our expectations were getting in the way of our blessings.  We realized that because we had both come with a preconceived idea of what was to happen, we were not able to see beyond those expectations at all the wonderful things that were going on around us.

We both came to our senses early on and were able to enjoy the weekend.  But, this experience made me realize just how often we let our own expectations get in the way of our blessings.

When we enter a situation with expectations we are, in essence, saying, because of who I am (or who I think I am), I have needs (real or perceived) and you need to meet them.  If/when those needs are not met we become indignant and put up walls.  Those walls block us from any good thing that may be happening around, or to, us.

We tend to carry expectations with us when we attend events, go on vacations, travel for business, attend meetings, make presentations, buy new items, etc.  Without our even being aware of them, expectations follow us everywhere.

One area expectations seem to be the strongest, and tend to do the most damage is in our relationships.  Whatever the relationship - spouse, friend, family member - we desire, and tend to think, the other person should meet our needs.  And oftentimes we believe the other person should know our needs/desires without our even telling him.  When those needs/desires are not met, we put up walls, get angry or frustrated and often shut down.  What a recipe for disaster!

It’s a conscious decision to release our expectations and allow ourselves to be open to then unexpected.  Choose a Better Life by choosing to become aware of your expectations and willfully letting them go.  By doing so, you will enjoy life more and be blessed in ways you did not anticipate.

Tomorrow I am dropping my daughter off at a friend’s house.  She will be there for a week because my husband and I are going out of town.  (We are headed to San Francisco because he is speaking at the Bulldog Conference.)

It has been a hectic week with home roof repairs, sick dogs and my trying to get caught up on work. So, instead of spending time developing a post today, I am going to spend some quality time with my daughter.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and that you Choose a Better Life by finding some quality time either for yourself or to be shared with someone you love.

If you are a parent I’m sure you’ve said something along these lines to your kids, “Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up.  You only get to be a kid once.”  I’ve said this to my daughters on many occasions.  My youngest one seems especially eager to get to certain milestones in her life – dating, going to high school, driving, etc.  I guess that comes with being the last of three daughters to “grow up.”

But what is interesting, is that I could be saying the same thing to myself.  No, I don’t want to be older, but I often find myself looking ahead and looking forward to what is to come.  In and of itself, this is not a bad thing, I’m a huge proponent of being excited about the future, but when we let the future rob us of the present we are doing ourselves a disservice.

How many times have you said to yourself, “Wow, this month has gone by fast” or “I can’t believe Spring is already here.”  How often have you found yourself in the middle of one activity thinking about what you will do next?

I’m an advocate of planning and goal setting, but all too often we move from one task to the next without enjoying the present.  The adage, “stop and smell the roses” holds a lot of truth.

We need to slow down, smell the roses and live in the moment, this moment.  We need to stop wishing our lives away by looking so forward to, or worrying about, what is to come that we ignore what we’ve been given – the here and now.  Once today is gone, we will never get it back again.

Choose a Better Life by choosing to live in the moment and enjoying the present.  Life is full of wonderful moments if we would just stop and experience them.  Will you join me in doing so?

April is national humor month.

I recently read that children laugh 300 to 400 times a day.  Adults, however, laugh on average, only 15 times a day.  Why is that?  I’m sure it can be argued that adults are under more pressure and stress than kids.  (Although, spend a day with any teenager and you will find that they are under a great deal of pressure and stress too.)

I wonder at what age we begin to stop laughing.  Is it in middle school when peer pressure starts to intensify?  Is it in high school when we begin to feel the weight on the world on our shoulders?  Do we stop laughing in college when the pressures of career choices become reality?  Or does it just simply happen over time?

I don’t know the answer to those questions, but I think the more important question is, why don’t we laugh more now?  Aside from the health benefits of laughter – it reduces stress, increases endorphins, burns calories, etc. – laughter is just plain fun.

In my home we laugh and giggle a lot.  We enjoy jokes, laugh when we play with our dogs, laugh when we play board games, tell stories and laugh with friends.  As a family we eat dinner together 6 times a week and laugh at each meal.  We work hard at building laughter into our lives.

I love watching tears seep out of my husband’s eyes when he is laughing so hard he can’t talk.  My daughter … she’s a snorter.  She tries to control her laugh, but when she is really cracking-up she begins to snort, which only makes her laugh harder.

As for me, I’ve got a unique laugh.  I’ve been compared to windshield wipers, a hyena, and numerous other things.  When I laugh in public I get quite an array of responses.  Sometimes people look away as if they don’t want to “catch” what is going on, sometimes they move to other tables, but mostly they can’t help themselves and they end up laughing too.  (I have actually had a waiter put a paper bag over my head in hopes it would help calm me down – I have a picture to prove it.)

But as unique as my laugh is, I wasn’t aware of it until after I went to college.  I don’t remember laughing much as a kid and I don’t ever recall seeing my parents laugh.  Laughter was just not valued in my family’s household and it was not a part of my growing up years.  Maybe that is why I love it so much as an adult … I am making up for years of not having heard my own laugh.

Whatever the reason, I love to laugh and I love to hear other people laugh.  Laughter eases hurts, relieves tension and sets the stage for a great day.  Ultimately, laughter is a small way of spreading cheer.

Choose a Better Life by choosing to laugh.  Laugh with others, laugh by yourself and laugh at yourself.  Life is much too short to live it grumpy..

Today, Good Friday, represents a day of great sacrifice.  Today is the day my Savior set aside His desires and took on the pain and anguish that was meant for me so that I could have a better life, both here on Earth and for eternity.  Although we may never appreciate the magnitude of Jesus’ sacrifice, regardless of our faith, I think we can understand that a great sacrifice was made.

So, as I’ve been pondering that thought I’ve begun to wonder what sacrifices I’ve made for the people I love and value.  When have I put aside my desires for the benefit of someone else?

How often have I really sacrificed something of great value to me?  I have yet to give my wardrobe to someone in need.  Yes, I have given bags of clothing to the local homeless shelter, but if I’m honest, the clothes I give away are not my “best” clothes or the ones I like the most.

I have never sold my home and given the profits to a homeless family.  I have not turned my job over to someone who is unemployed.  And I have never given someone free access to my bank account so they could buy food and supplies.

Thankfully, most of us will never be called to make “big” sacrifices like those above or be asked lay down our lives for a loved one, but we have the opportunity to sacrifice ourselves nearly every day.

When I choose to run an errand for a friend instead of finishing the project I’m working on, I give my friend the sacrifice of my time.  When I choose to have my daughter’s room painted instead of investing in a piece of furniture for myself I give her a sacrifice of my desires.  When I choose to give a friend a gift of money instead of going to the movies I am offering her a sacrifice of my finances.

Thankfully, I have the ability to offer these “do-able” sacrifices to the people I value, and sometimes, to people I don’t even know.  And although these sacrifices pale in comparison to the One that was given for me, I am glad I have the opportunity to give, to show other people how special they are.

Choose a Better Life by choosing to sacrifice something of value for someone you treasure.  It’s a tangible way to give the gift of love.

I am a member of the Business Alliance at my daughter’s middle school.  As an alliance it is our pleasure to help narrow the gap between the business community and the students.  One of the activities we provide is an annual Career Day in which we bring in people representing a variety of careers.

This year we were blessed with 53 speakers representing 53 different careers: everything from Crime Scene Investigators, to Reporters, to Mechanics to Fashion Designers.  The keynote speaker was Ryan Allis, the 23-year old entrepreneur and CEO of iContact.

At the last minute I was asked to fill in for a speaker who was not able to attend the event due to a family emergency.  Happily I agreed to talk with two groups of 6^th graders about what I do.  To keep it simple, I told them I was a Corporate Trainer who is paid to play games.

Since I was dong this off-the-cuff I did not have any materials or props so I decided to have the students play some of the games I use in my workshops.  Although I expected a little bit of resistance, I was taken aback by the number of students who were afraid to drop their guard and have fun.

I realized that middle school is about the time people start putting up walls.  By age 11 we are very aware of cliques so we try to shore-up our hearts to protect ourselves from rejection.

The more I thought about this the more I realized that for most people, those middle school walls never come down.  We often move into adulthood with the same fears of rejection and so instead of tearing down our walls we make them even stronger.

Before long we are living in our own fortress determined not to let anyone get to close or see the “real me.”  As a direct result, we often miss out on some of life’s greatest opportunities to have fun because we are afraid of what people might think.

I am a huge proponent of games, not only in my workshops, but in life.  In my workshops I use fun, silly games as a way to get everyone on the same page … to give people the opportunity to realize that regardless of title, we are all the same. … to begin breaking down the walls so they will be open to one another.

In our home, we use games the same way.  We have family night where we turn off the TV and just spend time together playing games.  My husband collects Monopolies so we are often playing one version or another.  (My favorite is the Rudolph edition.)  What we’ve found is that whether we are playing just as a family or have included friends we always have a great time.  We smile, laugh and talk about a number of things that would otherwise not come up.

By being willing to do something that can be seen as “silly” or “childish” we open the door for communication and bonding; two things that are crucial to our personal development.

Whether you are at home with family and friends or out in public, Choose a Better Life by breaking down the barriers and just have fun.  Your life and your relationships will be enriched.  And I guarantee the majority of people who look your way will not be judging you, but will be wishing they had enough courage to do what you are doing.

Recently a few girlfriends and I have been in similar situations, albeit, they are created by different circumstances.  All of us are exhausted and worn out because we have been wrestling with “issues.”  And not just everyday issues like who is in charge of carpool this week, but bigger issues that drain your emotional and physical energy.

As we’ve committed to seeing each situation through, we’ve shared our hearts, prayed for one another and looked for the “hidden blessings.”  We’ve made conscious decisions to bless instead of curse in each situation regardless of how we feel at the moment.  And sometimes we feel so blue that it takes every effort to put one foot in front of the other and keep going.  But that is exactly what we must do.

Amazingly, as we’ve stayed committed to blessing, things have begun to change.  Our situations are not different.  Quite the contrary, for some the circumstances have become even more intense.  But, each of us can say that our hearts, our attitudes and our outlooks have gotten much better.  The gloominess of the problem is parting and the sunshine of hope is breaking through.

Even this morning one of my friends shared that a hug from her son lifted her spirits to new heights and she felt strengthen for the day.  The hug from her son did not change the issue she is facing, but because she has chosen not to wallow in self-pity and utter curses out of frustration, she is much more open to seeing and embracing the little things that bring her joy.  It is this joy that propels her forward.

We all face challenges, sometimes they are more extreme than others, but it is our choice how we respond to them.  Choose a Better Life by opening your heart, giving blessings and putting one foot in front of the other despite your circumstances.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your comments and feedback.  Your encouragement is invaluable to me as I stay committed to this blog and share practical ways you can Choose a Better Life.

Now, I want to hear from you.  Do you have a CABL story that you are willing to share?

Have you been in a difficult situation where you took the opportunity to choose a good attitude and Choose a Better Life?

Do you have an example of how you blessed others when your first thought was to curse them instead?  How did this impact your day?

Have you received healing through forgiveness?  How did you get to that point?

Have you had a God-sighting in an unexpected place?  What was it and how did it encourage you?

Have you chosen to pursue your passions at work?  What steps did you take to get there?

If you can answer yes to any of the above, email me your story.  You can contact me at either Stephanie@chooseabetterlife.net or stephaniehester@gmail.com.

I will be collecting stories over the few weeks and publishing several of them on the blog.  At the end of March I will choose one entrant to receive a surprise item from the CABL store.

I am looking forward to hearing your stories!!!