I am a day late in posting this week.  It wasn’t that I forgot.  Yesterday was my birthday and my husband and I were traveling back home from a long weekend away.

This poem was given to me by a dear friend.  There is a long history behind it (it was discovered in a co-worker’s grandfather’s drawer after he passed away), but the words are as poignant today as they were when it was penned.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re traveling seems all uphill,

When the funds are low, and the debts high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When we might have won had we stuck it out.

Don’t five up thought the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to thin fight when you’re hardest hit,

It’s when things seems worse that you must not quit.

Choose a Better Life by choosing not to quit.

Recently several people have asked me about the specific ways I choose to bless instead of curse. I have trained myself to bless people and things that are important to me every day. Some days I am a little less focused than others, but I try to make blessing a natural part of my daily life.

(In regards to blessing other drivers (especially when they irritate me) see my post titled Blessing Road Rage.)

One of the many areas I’ve reaped the rewards of blessing is in my finances. As I’ve shared before, my husband and I had a successful consulting business several years back. Due to a joint venture that went bad, we lost everything – our business, our money, our home. As a direct result, we ended up with enormous debt in the form of back taxes and credit cards.

For several years there seemed to be no way out of the huge financial hole we were in. We were effectively unemployed for three years and once we did obtain employment we were living, like most people, paycheck to paycheck. There was nothing “extra” to save or put towards our debt.

About a year ago I decided to change my outlook on our finances. Instead of looking at our income as barely meeting our needs, I decided to bless our income and rejoice that our needs were being met. So, I began declaring blessing over our finances. Each day I verbally repeat something similar to this …

I bless our finances. I bless our desire to get out of debt and our ability to do so. I bless our desire to be disciplined with our spending and our ability to make the best choices. I also bless our jobs that provide for our needs. In regards to our finances, I claim God’s promise to do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine. I bless our ability to generate enough income to give to those around us who are in need and therefore, be a blessing in their lives.

After I bless our finances, I go on to bless many other things, our relationships, our neighborhood, the specifics of our jobs, our daughters’ relationships and their school days, our friends and their families … anything that comes to mind.

And besides adjusting my attitude and setting the stage for a great day, I’ve seen amazing rewards come from my blessings. Relationships have been formed and strengthened, obstacles overcome and business deals come to fruition.

But, one of the most tangible results has been in the area of our finances. We still have back taxes we are paying off, but over the next few weeks we will have paid off all our credit debt and my husband’s car! Remember, we had so much debt that I couldn’t see how it could be paid off in our lifetime. So, having the ability to pay off all our credit cards and the car is truly amazing and I am incredibly thankful.

I need to be clear. I am not saying that just by repeating a blessing your problems will disappear. But, I am confident that God has given us the authority to speak with power. When we do, we can claim victory in our situations and lives

Choose a Better Life by choosing to speak powerful blessings over your life and those you care for. As a result you will be, need I say, blessed.

A poem I carry in my planner:

State of Mind

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win, but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost;
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will;
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re out classed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself
Before you can win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

Author Unknown

This was recently sent to me in an email.  I hope you enjoy it and think about where you can use all of the following phrases.

THE POWER OF THREE LITTLE WORDS

Some of the most significant messages people deliver to one another often
come in just three words. When spoken or conveyed, those statements have the
power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships
that have cooled.

The following three word phrases can enrich every relationship:

I’LL BE THERE - Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can
give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to
them and to us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored
emotionally and spiritually. ‘Being there’ is at the very, very core of
civility.

I MISS YOU - Perhaps more marriages could be salvaged and strengthened if
couples simply and sincerely said to each other, “I miss you.” This powerful
affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved.

I RESPECT YOU - Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the
feeling that another person is a true equal. It is a powerful way to affirm
the importance of a relationship.

MAYBE YOU’RE RIGHT - This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an
argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side of “maybe you’re
right” is the humility of admitting “maybe I’m wrong.”

PLEASE FORGIVE ME - Many broken relationships could be restored and healed
if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are
vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to
own up to he has been in the wrong, which is by saying, in other words, that
he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I THANK YOU - Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy
the companionship of good, close friends are those who don’t take daily
courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many
expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends
is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

COUNT ON ME - “A friend is one who walks in when others walk out.” “Loyalty
is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue
that bonds people. Those who are rich in their relationships tend to be
steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there,
indicating “you can count on me.”

LET ME HELP - The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they
spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they
pitch in and help.

I UNDERSTAND YOU - People become closer and enjoy each other more if they
feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting others know in
so many little ways that you understand him or her is one of the most
powerful tools for healing your relationship.

GO FOR IT - Some of your friends may be non-conformists, have unique
projects and unusual hobbies. Support them in pursuing their interests.
Rather than urging your loved ones to conform, encourage their uniqueness -
everyone has dreams that no one else has.

I suppose the 3 little words that you were expecting to see have to be
reserved for those who are special; that is I LOVE YOU.

– Author Unknown

First, I did not post last Tuesday, forgive me.

Tuesday evening I went to a business networking event.  There were about 100 business people from our area talking, making connections and sharing great ideas.  What I found interesting, however, is that two of my more prominent conversations had nothing to do with business, per se.  Instead, we discussed the need to “take care of yourself.”

By taking care of yourself I don’t mean we need to “watch our backs,”  “look out for number one” or do “whatever it takes to climb the corporate ladder.”  What I mean is that we need to simply take time to care for our own emotional, spiritual and physical needs.  As one gentleman put it, “Everyone talks about it, but no one does it.”

You need to do it.  You need to give yourself time to nurture your spirit; time to decompress, relax, reflect and rejuvenate.

How you do this is up to you.  You may find that a long bubble bath does the trick.  Or maybe it’s a walk in the park, or a trip to the beach or the mountains.  It could be as simple as going to the library, checking out and reading a good book.  Maybe building something with your hands is what relaxes you or sitting in a café journaling.  Whatever it is, it is important to make time for you; your needs are important.

Without the time to decompress we run from task to task stressed out which eventually leads to burn out.  And when we are stressed and/or burned out we are of no value to those around us.

You’ve come across people like this.  They are tired, snippy, grumpy and much less effective in everything they do.  These are the people who look to be holding it together, but in spending just a few minutes with then you realize they are on the verge of snapping.  They are either frantically living or walking around in a semi-comatose state just trying to cope.

All too often we allow ourselves to get to this point because we won’t stop and take time for ourselves.  We make the excuse that time for ourselves is selfish, but the reality is that time for ourselves is necessary for us to serve those around us - both in our personal and professional lives.

“But, I don’t have the time to take a walk, or read a book, or pamper myself.”  The truth of the matter is that we can always make time for our priorities even if that means saying “No” to commitments and opportunities.

In fact, saying “No” is one of our best weapons against burn out.  We are inundated with good opportunities.  Opportunities to join teams and committees, to mentor people coming behind us, to give our time pro bono, to take on another project, to serve in civic groups, the list goes on.  I am a great proponent of these things and participate in many of them.

However, I’ve learned that I cannot accept every opportunity that comes my way.  I must say “No” to good things in order to maintain my sanity  I must leave time in my schedule to take care of myself of I will not do anything well.  As a result I often say “No” to the good in order to accept the great.

Choose a Better Life by choosing to care for your own needs.  As you do you will be better equipped to serve those around you and you will excel in your commitments.

In anticipation of my personal retreat, I have been preparing my heart by reading a book and meditating on its lessons.  The book, titled TrueFaced: trust God and others with who you really are by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol and John Lynch is one I wholeheartedly recommend.

If you have ever felt unfulfilled, misunderstood, lonely, afraid or misguided you need to read TrueFaced.  It is only seven chapters long, but if you let them, those seven chapters will change your life with the truths they share.

I am only on chapter five, but the epiphanies I am having and the realizations I am coming to are amazing.  These words are penetrating deep into my soul.  May I never be the same again.

Along this line, today’s post will be short.  I want to leave you with a few quotes from the book and I pray you will take time to ponder them and seek their applicability to your life.

“The degree to which I let you love me is the degree to which you can love me, no matter how much love you have for me.

“Grace is the face love wears when it meets imperfection.”

“Pride shuts down grace.”

As a side note - I will not be posting on Friday, October 12^th because I will be in the middle of my personal retreat.  I am anticipating great things while I am away and I don’t want to be distracted with any form of “work”.

As you go throughout your week, remember to Choose a Better Life - the choice is yours.

Recently my daughter, Britini, came to me to vent about a bully at her school.  This bully swears at the other girls, my daughter included, and threatens to punch them, among other things.  I was trying to comfort Britini while getting her to look beyond her circumstances and see that the girl who is bullying is probably doing so out of pain and anger at her own life.  And because of this pain and anger I wanted Britini to not only let the mean words roll off her, but to also bless this hurting bully.

The idea of blessing your enemy is not an easy, or new, concept.  People have struggled with it for years, myself included.  But what was really difficult for my precious daughter to understand was that God loved this other girl as much as he loved her.  At that point in our conversation, Britini said, “But that’s not fair!  How can he love her when she is so mean as much as he loves me?”

Good question.  “God loves her just as much because his son died for her too.  But, because she doesn’t know him and because she is so mean she doesn’t get to experience his love like you do.”

In discussing this with one of my girlfriends yesterday she put it this way, “There are three diamonds on a table.  They are all of equal size, say 6 karats, cut and clarity.  Because they are identical they each carry the same value.  But, one of those diamonds gets restless and jumps off the table (suspend your disbelief here) and into a mud puddle.  You pick the diamond up and place it back on the table.  The diamond is still a diamond.  It still has the same value to you, but its beauty is covered by it’s actions – the jump into the mud puddle.”

As my girlfriend and I elaborated on this analogy we realized that people do the same thing in a lot of different ways.  The bully is covering her beauty and value with the words she chooses and the pain she tries to inflict on others.

We do the same when we spew a curse on someone or eye them with the “if looks could kill” look.  We also jump in the mud puddle every time we use our words to hurt someone else or when we distort/bend the truth.  Our value is still the same, but our beauty and worth are hidden from the rest of the world.

As for me, I want to be sparkling and clean.  But, I realize that I am human and that I make mistakes, so it’s all too often that I find myself covered in mud.  It is those times that I am deeply grateful for repentance and forgiveness.  I can approach the Throne of Grace and ask God to take out his cloth and clean me off.  He is faithful to do it every time.

Join me in Choosing a Better Life by asking God to clean away the mud and letting your value shine through.

Not long ago I wrote an entry titled “Self Talk: Reprogramming the Mental Tapes” in which I shared that the words we speak, whether curses or blessings, impact our lives accordingly.  This universal truth is one I’ve seen played out in my own life and the lives of others’ over and over again.  Our words are packed with power and we can choose to use them to build up or tear down, bring success or failure, hope or pain.

Jennifer Hudson, singer, actor and Oscar winner, understands this truth and uses it to her advantage.  In an article in October 2007 edition of O, The Oprah Magazine titled “Jennifer Hudson’s Aha! Moment” she shares the story of her song “Thank You.”  Six month prior to filming her Academy Award-winning role in Dreamgirls, Jennifer wrote the song based on the success she knew would someday come her way.  She realized that success not long afterwards.

Hudson says that, “The force of positive thinking is nothing new to me … Of course, this is about more than just words; it’s the realization that we write our own destinies. … I know there is a direct connection between what I say and what happens to me.”

Reinforcing this point, according to Psychology Today (http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19970501-000021.html), Harvard University researcher Bacca Levy, Ph.D studied the affects negative words have on aging and memory. Subjects, all volunteers over the age of 60, were shown a series of either negative or positive words related to aging on a computer monitor.  “ …subjects shown words that reinforced negative views of the erderly later performed more poorly on memory tests than folks who saw the positive words,”

Jennifer Hudson gets it.  She understands that the words we speak are powerful.

Dr. Levy tested and proved it. Negative words have negative impacts and positive words have positive impacts.

It is now up to us.  What we say is completely our choice.  We can choose to bless or curse.

Start being positive and blessing today.  Make a list of three positive things you want to be true of your day today.  For example, Today will be a great day, I will be effective in my decision-making and I will make wise choices.  Repeat the list several times, believe it to be true and work as if it is happening.  You may be amazed at the results.

Even when the inevitable difficult situation arises, by being in a positive frame of mind you will be more equipped to handle it well and move on, robbing it of its power to ruin your day.

By deliberately choosing positive words and living as if they are happening you will be taking charge, increasing your joy and Choosing a Better Life.

I love quotes… simple words by others that inspire me to take time and think and often spur me on to greater things.

Here are 10 of my favorite quotes from Life’s Little Instruction Book by H Jackson Brown, Jr.  The book has 511 suggestions on how to live a happy and rewarding life.

#346    “Be bold and courageous.  When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.”

#332    “Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.”

#284    “Never underestimate your power to change yourself.”

#271    “When facing a difficult task, act as though it is impossible to fail.  If you’re going after Moby Dick, take along the tartar sauce.”

#178    “Learn to recognize the inconsequential, then ignore it.”

#171    “Never give up on what you really want to do.  The person with the big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.”

#165    “Don’t waste time responding to your critics.”

#156    “Strive for excellence, not perfection.”

#123    “Learn to listen.  Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.”

#99      “Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures.”

Take a few moments to really ponder one or two of these.  How do they apply to your life today?  Are you doing everything in your power to have the best life possible – your best life, not someone else’s?  If not, why not?  What can you change to Choose a Better Life?

Thankfulness is a recurring theme in my posts. It’s not a secret that I believe (and have seen evidence in my own life) the more thankful we are the better our quality of life.

It’s easy to get caught in the ever-perpetuating cycle of self-pity and the muck and mire of “Woe is me.” Many people do it. However, the “everyone does it” justification doesn’t make it healthy or attractive to others. In fact, even entertaining the thought to enjoy self-pity (yes, people do enjoy it) can catapult you into the “toxic people” group. Granted, everyone can have a bad day. It’s the wallowing in negativity that becomes a problem.

I know, I was challenged with this last week. Some major life issues came up that challenged my [I’m working towards being] ever-thankful approach to life. As such, I was derailed for about 2 ½ days. What I discovered is that as long as I ruminated on my pain I was walking numbly through life. It was as if someone found the remote control to my being and pressed the mute button. I was only half-living, not enjoying the bounty of blessings I have been given.

So, I decided to trust God to restore all that had been taken from me (Joel 2:25-27) as he promised, and started listing the reasons I am thankful for this pain. And I was amazed at just how many reasons I had. As I reframed my view of the situation from seeing it as pain that robbed me of years of joy to one that has allowed me to grow into the person I am becoming (“growing” and “becoming” is a process) the mute button was released and I was again able to feel and live life.

I read a quote in O Magazine today that addressed this very topic. “Individuals who approach life with an attitude that all of life is a gift will be more likely to find the good in bad life circumstances. They are more likely to … move forward following a catastrophe. In fact, they may be more likely to label such an event a gift.” Robert A Emmosn, PhD in Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier.

I want to enjoy this gift of life to the fullest so I am thankful for all that comes my way. To help me stay focused on the positive I often give myself time to stop and make a list of all my blessings. When I do I find that there are many more good things in my life on which to focus than there are bad. And for that I am ever thankful.

Choose to be thankful and Choose a Better Life.