At the risk of sounding arrogant or phony, I must say, life is fun.  It really is.  I am enjoying my life each day and I wouldn’t trade it for any other..

The reason I share this is because this has not always been the case.  Although I have had fun times throughout my life I have never really enjoyed life like I am enjoying it now.  I feel like I have finally “arrived.”  No, I have not reached my final career goal nor have I fit into the size 6 jeans I once coveted.  I am not driving a new car or living in a large house.  I am not famous nor am I earning the amount of money I’d eventually like to earn.  But, I am having fun living the life I have been given.

Interestingly, as I began to change my thought patterns a few years ago and I began Choose a Better Life, a funny thing happened … my life got better.  And it continues to get better.  When people ask how I am doing I find myself genuinely answering, “I am doing great.  Life is fun.”

This is not to say that life is without its challenges.  Trust me, I have plenty – a 21-year old daughter who refuses to speak to me for reasons I do not understand; a biological family that is far from healthy; a dear friend on the other side of the country who is hurting deeply and whom I cannot help; and physical pain from injuries that never seems to fully disappear.  These are just a few of my current challenges.

But, when I think of my life, I don’t think of those challenges first.  What I think of is the joy I have for living and the abundance of blessings I get to experience every day.  I love my life.  I really do.

It is no small coincidence that as I began to retrain my mind to focus on the positive and as I began to bless others and myself the negative things in my life seemed to take up less and less space in my consciousness.  Now I have to stop and really think if I want to list my challenges – this is not something I do very often.  In fact, I spend so much time listing my blessings and the things that are going well that I often don’t have time to think of the challenges.  Nor do I want to.

No, I am not living in denial.  I am well aware of the areas of life that are less than perfect and I work to do what I can to change them.  But, I no longer allow them to consume me, overwhelm me, or dictate my moods and feelings.  I wasted too many years doing just that.  Now I celebrate life and enjoy the fun.

Choose a Better Life by choosing to let go of the negative, focus on the positive, bless yourself and others, and have fun!

One gentleman who owns his own business said that he dislikes talking to his father on the phone because no matter how well business is going his father always has something negative to say.  He also said that whenever he shares his ideas for new business with his father, his father always focuses on the potential problems and declares, “That will never work.”

Everyone around the table could relate.  Not all of us have parents who shoot us down, but we all knew someone who was ready to squash our ideas and dreams the moment we shared our vision.

But, what was interesting was that those of us who were parents ourselves (our kids ranged in age from 13-21) all agreed that when we share our ideas and dreams with our children not one of them shoots us down.  Quite the contrary.  Most of the time our kids are our biggest supporters and they often come up with additional ideas to incorporate into our vision.

As my friends and I discussed this we agreed that as we grow into adulthood we tend to become jaded and less free-thinking.  We filter information through our life’s experiences and what we have witnessed in others.  Unfortunately, this filtering can make us negative and much less willing to take risks.

What we need to realize is that taking risks is what often leads to great successes.  And if in taking a risk we fail, we need to embrace that failure as a learning and growth opportunity by which we refine our efforts for the next attempt.

We also need to encourage those around us when they take us into their confidence by sharing their visions and ideas.  Unless we are specifically asked to do so, it is not our job to look for the potential setbacks or problems and deflate someone’s dream.  We are much more valuable when we cheer others on and root for their success.

Choose a Better Life by choosing to be child-like.  Take risks and be supportive to others who do the same.

]]> http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/world-of-work/become-child-like/feed/ http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/forgiveness/mending-fences/ http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/forgiveness/mending-fences/#comments Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:59:22 +0000 stephaniehester Forgiveness http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/forgiveness/mending-fences/ Our lives and emotions are like onions, you peel a layer off and there is another one underneath.  We are wonderfully complex and multidimensional allowing us to enjoy experiences on many different levels.

But because we have so many layers, an issue we thought was resolved can show itself again when we least expected it.  This happened to me recently.

I had worked for a long time on personal healing and had forgiven those who wronged me. (See post Forgiveness with Boundaries on 10.26.07.)  After my forgiveness had been given I enjoyed many months of peace in regards to these individuals.  Then suddenly, a few weeks ago, I realized I was angry at these people again – very angry.

It took me several days of journaling, praying and talking with my husband to realize that I was not angry for the past, I truly had been healed and given my forgiveness, but angry because of how I felt I was being treated now.  What was even more frustrating is that the people with whom I was angry are people that I so long to have a good, healthy relationship with.

As I was journaling and praying I had several epiphanies.  First, I realized that the hurt I feel over what “could have been” is probably shared by these people too.  Secondly, I realized that they are probably clueless about the pain that they continue to cause and if confronted, they would say that was not their intent at all.  Finally, I realized that they probably have no idea how I feel.

I have been hesitant about sharing my desire for a rebuilt, healthy relationship because of fear of rejection and additional hurt.  However, I am fairly positive these folks feel the same way.  Even though I am unaware, I can be fairly certain that I have acted in ways to cause pain and hurt in this situation as well.

So, I decided to take a risk.  I’ve written a letter to one of these individuals telling him how I desire to have a relationship with him.  I have not gone into detail about my hurt or about the others involved.  I am focusing strictly on my relationship with him.  I am hopeful that we can slowly begin to mend fences and start anew on our relationship.

I must say, once I thought about how each of these others must be feeling my anger dissipated almost immediately and I began to see them in a new way.  Now I am excited to see what God will do in our relationships.

Choose a Better Life by being willing to look at a situation from another’s point of view and being willing to mend fences.

I had a great time on my personal retreat.  I took several days and went to an ocean town just to slow down, be alone, reflect, listen, and plan.  As I’ve shared, I do this at least once a year and I so enjoy the time away.  Life is so busy that we seldom get to be still for an extended period unless we make it a priority and put it into our schedules.

I always leave my retreats with a renewed focus and an excitement for next steps.  But, I also leave a bit more relaxed and, hopefully, a bit wiser for having taken the time to listen to God and assess my current position and emotional health.

One of the things that struck me this past week was just how much I enjoy the simple things.  Several times I found myself walking along the docks gazing into the water with a smile on my face.  I was content just being near the ocean.

On one occasion I took a ferry out to an island.  I wouldn’t characterize the island as deserted, but no one lives on it and it is mostly inhabited by wild horses.  I walked for several miles to the far side of the island and found myself completely alone … I literally could not see another person in either direction.  Occasionally, a Coast Guard helicopter would fly by, I assumed to ensure all was well, but other than that I saw no one.  It was wonderful.  I opened my cooler, had lunch and enjoyed looking at the shells the Atlantic Ocean had washed on shore.

Other times I sat on the front porch with my book, journal, pen and a tall glass of cold water.  I would smile and say hello to people as they walked by.  It was heavenly.

I was staying at a bed and breakfast so I enjoyed the company of others over breakfast and would occasionally run into them in the halls.  What I noticed is that most of these couples woke up, ate breakfast, rushed off and filled their day with activities.  In fact, one couple was frustrated that there was not more “to do” in this small town.  But none of these couples seemed especially happy or seemed to be enjoying their vacations.  There was always something to complain about … the heat, the humidity, the other people … always something.

Instead of choosing to see and enjoy the little blessings, the simple things … the always cold pitcher of ice water waiting just inside the door of the inn, the freshly baked cookies the innkeeper made each day, the fact that we were 1 block away from the ocean, the appreciative smiles from locals as we shopped in their stores … many of the couples from the inn went grumpily through each day and, I suspect, ended their vacations with less than wonderful memories.  What a waste.

Choose a Better Life by choosing to see and enjoy the simple things … the little blessings we are given each day.  Stop and notice the flowers that are blooming.  Listen to the birds as they sing outside your office.  Enjoy the dinner that was prepared for you.  Smile as your pet greets you at the door after a long day.  Sing along with your favorite tune when it comes on the radio.  Our lives are full of simple blessings if only we choose to enjoy them.

]]> http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/general/simple-things/feed/ http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/general/personal-retreat/ http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/general/personal-retreat/#comments Sat, 02 Aug 2008 20:55:16 +0000 stephaniehester General http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/general/personal-retreat/ Happy Saturday!

I know, this is not my normal post day, but I will be out of town this Tuesday so I wanted to let you know I will not be posting this week.  As I’ve shared before, at least once a year (I try for once a quarter) I get away by myself for a personal retreat.  This is a time for me to pray, journal, read, plan and rejuvenate.  I will be taking one of these retreats this coming week so I will not be posting.

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and week and I look forward to sharing with you when I return.  In the meantime, Choose a Better Life, by choosing to take some time for yourself.

Today is no different.

For the past several weeks I’ve had a “service” warning light that occasionally comes on when I’m driving.  When it first happened I had just picked up my car from the shop because of a broken fuel pump.  I called the dealer and inquired about the service light and was told not to worry about it because it was probably just resetting from the replaced fuel pump.  So, I didn’t worry about it.

However, as the weeks went on, the light came on more frequently.  Several days ago I noticed that when I would make a right hand turn while braking my brake light came on as well.  “Humph, that’s interesting,” I thought “but, I’m not gong to worry about it.”

It seemed with each passing day both lights came on more than they went off.  I began thinking I needed to get my car back to the shop.  But, several people had advised me that neither light was a big deal and that the car was fine, after all, it drove well.  Besides, I don’t have time to take my car to the shop.  I’m preparing for a client workshop, have several meetings each day this week and am helping my daughter prepare for her missions trip (she leaves on Friday.) But, my intuition kept nagging me telling me I needed to get the car serviced.

So, I made time to take it to the shop first thing this morning.  I had a great chat with one of the men who works there (we are both from California so we have a natural affinity for each other) and enjoyed talking with the shuttle driver who brought me home all the while wondering if I was over-reacting to these lights.  “Better safe than to be sorry,” I reasoned.

A short while later I received a call saying that indeed there was a problem with the car.  The brakes were about to go out and needed replacing.  A few hours later the shuttle driver was back in my driveway and off we went to the dealership (I take my car to the Saturn dealer.)

After I picked up my car I was driving my daughter on an errand for her upcoming trip and I was overwhelmed with gratitude.  “Thanks God for keeping me safe despite my failing brakes and for prompting me to take the car into the shop.”

Had I not listened to my intuition who knows what awful thing may have been awaiting me.  At the very least, I could have been greatly inconvenienced had my brakes failed on the way to my client workshop or next week on the way to my personal retreat 200 miles away from home.  However, now I can drive with confidence knowing my car is safe.

Choose a Better Life by choosing to listen to your intuition.  It may just be God’s still small voice protecting you from a disaster.

]]> http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/god-sightings/intuition-prevented-a-potential-disaster/feed/ http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/words/dont-quit/ http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/words/dont-quit/#comments Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:06:51 +0000 stephaniehester Words http://www.chooseabetterlife.net/words/dont-quit/ I am a day late in posting this week.  It wasn’t that I forgot.  Yesterday was my birthday and my husband and I were traveling back home from a long weekend away.

This poem was given to me by a dear friend.  There is a long history behind it (it was discovered in a co-worker’s grandfather’s drawer after he passed away), but the words are as poignant today as they were when it was penned.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re traveling seems all uphill,

When the funds are low, and the debts high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When we might have won had we stuck it out.

Don’t five up thought the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to thin fight when you’re hardest hit,

It’s when things seems worse that you must not quit.

Choose a Better Life by choosing not to quit.

This is what happened to me last Thursday.  I had just finished a client meeting (which, by the way, had not gone at all as I envisioned, not bad, just different) and my husband and I were headed for a sushi lunch. - When we are both in town we have lunch together once a week.  This gives us the opportunity to reconnect, go over our schedules, discuss our careers, and simply have a few minutes of alone time. – It was a sunny day and the traffic was not particularly heavy.  I was at the end of an intersection when I realized a car was running a red light and heading into my lane.

You guessed it, despite my slamming on the breaks and swerving, we collided.  Thankfully no one was seriously injured and the other driver pulled off the road and admitted the accident was his fault.  We spent the next hour waiting for a police officer to arrive and take a police report.  As we waited, the other driver and his passenger paced back and forth, argued, and complained that their day had been truly awful and that their vacation (they were headed out of town for the weekend) was now ruined.

As I watched and listened to the other driver and his passenger, I kept thinking, “How sad, you are choosing to have a bad day.”  I tried convincing them that it was still early in the day, they were not hurt, the officer would be done with his report shortly and they could still enjoy a long weekend away.  But, they were having no part of what I was saying.  So instead of wasting time trying to reason with them, I decided I’d reschedule my afternoon appointments and just sit and wait for the whole thing to be over.

Unfortunately, even after we wrapped up at the scene of the accident, the accident was still not “over.”  I am spending a lot of time dealing with insurance companies and adjusters trying to get my car repaired … curve ball  And I’m still having pain in my neck for which I’m seeing a doctor and which limits the amount of time I can spend working … curve ball.

As with everything in life, these curve balls bring the opportunity to practice choosing my attitude and my response.  I admit that the situation has been frustrating.  The other driver has disconnected his phone and not followed through on his commitments.  His insurance company cannot locate him and as a result they cannot process my claim.  In addition, my claim has been transferred three different times to three different adjusters and I am forced to cover my own medical expenses at the moment.

However, as I have been conditioning myself to Choose a Better Life it is becoming easier and easier to see the good side of things, even with curve balls.

I am thankful that there was not more traffic on the road when the accident occurred and therefore more cars were not involved.  I’m thankful the other driver had insurance and that he pulled over.  I am thankful that no one was seriously injured.  I’m thankful for the police officer who responded and took a report.  I’m thankful for cell phones with cameras so we could take pictures.  I’m thankful for my Blackberry that allowed me to contact my afternoon appointments.  I’m thankful the weather was good and we were not caught in the rain (we’ve had lots of rain lately.)  I’m thankful that, eventually, my car will be repaired.  And I’m thankful for doctors who will help with the pain.

Life is full of curve balls, but I’m thankful those curve balls don’t determine the quality of our lives.  Our response to the curve balls does; and our response is something we control.

Choose a Better Life by choosing to be thankful for the good, looking for the positive and taking control of your actions despite the curve balls that come your way.

I know we can achieve great things if only we take the first step and trust our ability to take the next.

I recently read a quote in a little book titled New Beginnings by Sian Keogh.

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

Choose a Better Life by choosing to take the firs step.  Do what is necessary.

Happy 4th of July!

I hope you enjoy today and that you find a way of celebrating our freedom and the men/women who sacrifice so much to make it possible.

To the servicemen/women, past and present, who serve and protect our country I give you my deepest appreciation and say THANK YOU for all you do.

To my readers outside the US, I hope you have a fantastically blessed weekend.