Reframing Failure
posted in World of Work |According to an article in the June/July 2007 issue of Pink magazine (www.pinkmagazine.com) Pamela McCauley-Bell (see her bio here) tells audiences we have to, “Have faith in God and in [ourselves].” She ought to know. At 16 she was a teen mom on welfare who was told by family members that she wasn’t going to amount to anything. But, as reported by Pink, “she proved them wrong, becoming the first black woman in Oklahoma to earn a Ph.D. in engineering. Today at 43, she owns a million-dollar company.”
McCauley-Bell also says we tend to hold on to failures and forget successes. I agree. As a career change instructor I see this in my clients. CFO’s to on-air personalities to office assistants, most of them share the same things: fear of change and lack of confidence in their abilities. It is the later that I want to focus on today.
I often ask my clients what job/career path, resources unlimited, they would like to pursue. What employment opportunity will give them the most satisfaction? Most clients are quick to identify a career they’d like to try. But when I ask why they are not pursuing that path I am met with a host of excuses … everything from, “I’d never be able to do that” to “I just don’t have the right training.”
Not having the correct training is definitely a valid obstacle. However, it is not an insurmountable one. There are numerous ways to get training: college courses, specialized schools, night classes, on-the-job training, volunteer opportunities, etc. Not having the training just means you will have to add that component to your plan of action.
The biggest barrier to pursuing dreams is the “I’d never be able to do that” belief. When I push my clients a bit further on this statement inevitably their responses come back to lack of confidence. And the lack of confidence most often stems from a previous failure; a failure that may not even be remotely related to the opportunity at hand.
Why is it that we so often hold on to our failures with a death grip? Is it because we’ve been told we would fail and now we are afraid to try again? Is it because we want to protect ourselves from future failures? Is it that a wounded ego won’t let us let go? Or is it simply because we don’t know how to let go of failure?
Whatever the reason, when we hold on to past failures with determination, we are selling ourselves short and compromising our quality of life. We are choosing to stop believing in ourselves which leads to our being comfortable in our misery and unwilling to take risks.
Instead we need to practice reframing. We must redefine failure not as a sign of weakness but rather as another opportunity to learn and grow. At the minimum, a non-success teaches us what doesn’t work. And anytime we gain insight and wisdom we are making progress.
I encourage you to study people like Pamela McCauley-Bell. Read about men and women who have overcome the odds, who have not let failures stop them from pursuing their dreams. Add some of these people to your Mentor category (see earlier posts) and let their stories encourage you to look at your failures as stepping stones to your future successes.
Don’t be afraid to have faith in your abilities and in the person God made you to be. Step out and pursuer your dreams. You will make mistakes along the way. Good. Learn from them, grow your knowledge base and continue moving forward.
Choose to reframe your failures and Choose a Better Life.